I agree that some people should be locked away for ever, I
understand that some are just sick individuals. However as a Wife of a
SO, I also see where some people just made some really poor decisions as
a youth or young adult.
I really believe that there has to be
differences when it comes to offenders who are violent and non violent,
and when the offender is inappropriate with a person who has not reached
puberty and one who has. These things are not noted in the current
laws. Nor will they be if the Adam Walsh Act goes threw.
Speaking
as a person living with a loved one on the registry its amazing the
extent of discrimination you can now receive for a mistake made
sometimes years ago. Now days being convicted of a sex crime is
ridiculously easy, and just about as damning to a person, their future,
family, employment opportunities, living situations and self-esteem as
being diagnosed with HIV or AIDS was 20 years ago.
There is
therapy in place for people who make these mistakes and as long as they
are not one of the unfortunate ones who simply can not be "cured" they
can come out of it simple people who want to move forward with their
lives. These lists are not aiding that goal, and thus dragging would be
productive, healthy, wonderful members of society down even more.
I
personally have seen my husband use so much from his therapy to
interact with his children, whom he is still aloud to see and even live
with. He took his counseling and therapy to heart and learned and grew
from it. He is not a threat to society, his was a mistake, and then
rebellion of the system because he figured his life was already messed
up what was the point. He sees the point now and regrets his actions,
and yet he is not aloud to move on. Our daughter will most likely not
be aloud to participate in girl scouts because her daddy screwed a
willing 15 year old, 16 years ago. By the time she would be ready for
girl-scouts it will be 20 to 25 years in the past that SHE will be
paying for.
Its not the ones that are registered that I'm
worried about, its the SO that aren't registered, that have not been
caught, that have not gotten help, that we don't know about, who are
living down the street or in the next town that I fear. I intend to
raise my child with knowledge of her fathers mistakes, and to be
cautious of people whom she doesn't know, and the no touching under swim
suit rule. A rule, I must say my husband was never taught. However I
also intend to teach her that sometimes mistakes are made and you must
forgive and move on. That is the goal and supposition of our
incarceration system.
I asked an officer of the law once why we
have a registry for the SO's and not for murderers. I personally would
like to know if someone in my neighborhood is unstable enough to commit
such a violent crime. Yet when they serve their time they can move
anywhere and other than working and having to admit to a felony they
don't have that transgression following them around like an albatross
around their neck. His answer if you will believe it was that, well
Murderers don't leave their victims alive.
Don't leave their
victims alive?! What are you talking about man?! The family of the
deceased are still that person's victim. And correct me if I'm wrong
but I believe you can go to counseling and therapy and somewhat recover
from a molestation or rape, but you can not recover from death.
There is something not right in this AWA, and mainly it is not acknowledging a person's ability to grow and become better.
Me
just Me
Friday, March 29, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
My own personal Plans
I found this posted by one of my Facebook friends. This just completely validates one aspect of my future plans for my psychology degree.
I want to develop and implement a program for high-schoolers and college aged adults and I want to call it SOAP; this being Sex Offender Awareness and Prevention. At first I had thought I would have to focus on Jr.'s and Sr.'s but this woman's posting has shown me that even Freshmen are ready and able to tackle these topics, and that this kind of education is needed.
I do have to say I've been cautious about talking about this to much because I'm very far from having my psychology degree, and I'm kind of afraid of someone making this program before me, but really its simply something that is very necessary. I want to focus on how all people involved in sexual encounters need to be aware of what their decisions are, and that everyone needs to be responsible for their own decisions. If your a minor and you want to have sex, it should not be ONLY your partners responsibility to make sure the act is legal. This means IF your underage, YOU know how old you are, and IF YOU know the other person is over 18, then YOU should not have sex with that person b/c if that other person doesn't know your age YOU DO! I also want to focus on what being a sex offender can do to a person's life, and the lives of their friends and family. I want kids to begin to understand how people become sex offenders, and how not to become a sex offender. I also want people to realize what kind of trama and stress these decisions can put on others far beyond the immediate situations. Its not just about STD's and Baby making. Bad decisions made now can affect every aspect of their lives and their families lives from now to forever.
It started when I picked this poem to go over different ways to look at poetry:
it’s not true if he says it’s not true
they’ll think it’s not true if they think
it’s not true it will be nothing new
but for her it will be a weightier
thing it will fill up the space where
he isn’t allowed it will open the door
of the room where she’s put him
away he will fill up her mind he will fill
up her plate and her glass he will fill up
her shoes and her clothes she will never
forget him he says if she says
something now if she says something ever
he never will let her forget and it’s true
for a week for a month but the more
she says true and the more he says not
the smaller he seems he may fill up
his shoes he may fill up his clothes
the usual spaces he fills but something
is missing whatever they say whatever
they think he is not what he was
and the room in her mind is open she
walks in and out as she pleases she says
what she pleases she says what she means.
It is ambiguous. I suppose that is the point. The best literature for me to teach is the kind that gives the kids enough to be interested in, but they still don’t have a clear idea of what is going on. We spend the day looking at the poem from every angle we can find, or at least that is the plan.
Yesterday, pretty immediately, someone in the back shot their hand up and did not wait for me to call on them. “Ms. Norman, this poem is about rape.” It wasn’t a question. It is rare for a fifteen-year-old to speak about anything with this kind of authority, let alone poetry. A few kids chimed in to agree with the first student and I admitted that I often read the poem that way, even if you don’t have to. I was about to launch into an explanation of other ways this poem could be read.
“Ms. Norman” another kid called, “Have you heard about that rape case in Ohio? Those guys got convicted. They have to go to jail. They are going to lose their scholarships. They were going to D-1 schools!”
“Well…”I responded, feeling the heat crawl up my neck, “maybe they are going to jail for rape because THEY ARE RAPISTS!” I yelled those last three words at my kids and watched as some of them blinked in surprise. Apparently, the thought had never occurred to them that these athletes who were convicted of rape, were in fact rapists.
It is a strange thing about looking into the face of a 15-year-old, to really see who they are. You still see the small child that their mother sees. You see the man or woman they will be before they graduate. They are babies whose innocence you want desperately to protect. They are old enough to know better, even if no one has taught them.
I realized then that some of my kids were genuinely confused. “How can she be raped?” they asked, “She wasn’t awake to say no.” These words out of a full fledged adult would have made me furious. I did get a good few minutes in response on victim blaming and why it is so terrible. But out of the face of a kid who still has baby fat, those words just made me sick. My students are still young enough, that mostly they just spout what they have learned, and they have learned that absent a no, the yes is implied.
It is uncomfortable to think that some of the students you still call babies have the potential to be rapists. It is sickening, it is terrifying, but it is true. It is a reality we have to face. My students have lived in a world for fifteen years where the joke “she probably wanted it” isn’t really a joke, they need to unlearn some lessons that no one will admit to teaching them.
Standing in front of my classroom and stating that a woman’s clothing choice is never permission to rape her should not be a radical act. But only a few heads nodded in agreement. Most were stunned, like this was a completely new thought. The follow up questions were terrifying in their earnestness. “Ms. Norman, you mean a woman walking down the street naked is not her inviting sex? How will I know she wants to have sex?” A surprisingly bold voice came out of a girl in the back “You’ll know when she says, you want to have sex?!”
If you want to keep teens from being rapists, you can no longer assume that they know how. You HAVE to talk about it. There is no longer a choice. It is no longer enough to talk to our kids about the mechanics of sex, it probably never was. We have to talk about consent, what it means, and how you are sure you have it. We have to teach clearly and boldly that consent is (in the words of Dianna E. Anderson) an enthusiastic, unequivocal YES!
What came next, when the idea of a clear yes came up, is the reason I will always choose to teach freshmen. They are still young enough to want to entertain new ideas. When we reversed the conversation from, “well she didn’t say no,” to “she has to say YES!” many of them lit up. “Ms. Norman,” they said, “that does make a lot more sense.” “Ms. Norman,” they exclaimed, “that way leaves a lot less confusion.” When one of the boys asked, well what do you want me to do, get a napkin and make her sign it, about four girls from the back yelled, YEAH!
What happened in Steubenville makes me sick, but we are kidding ourselves if we think that it is not representative of what is happening in basement parties after the homecoming game all across America. Our kids want to talk about it. They need to talk about it. We need to have conversations about consent that are not centered around what should have been done, but are instead centered on what will be done in the future. Our teens can handle it, I promise they can.
A strong understanding of consent as an enthusiastic and unequivocal yes is essential to reversing the culture that our teens have grown up in. The amazing thing is the way my students responded to the conversation. Our students want a better way, it is our responsibility to show it to them, even if it is scary, especially when it might make us uncomfortable.
Our students are paying attention. They do care about what is going on in the world. They do listen and are capable of advanced thought. I am done selling out the ninth-graders that traipse through my room every day. The news will no longer invade my classroom, instead I will invite it.
I want to develop and implement a program for high-schoolers and college aged adults and I want to call it SOAP; this being Sex Offender Awareness and Prevention. At first I had thought I would have to focus on Jr.'s and Sr.'s but this woman's posting has shown me that even Freshmen are ready and able to tackle these topics, and that this kind of education is needed.
I do have to say I've been cautious about talking about this to much because I'm very far from having my psychology degree, and I'm kind of afraid of someone making this program before me, but really its simply something that is very necessary. I want to focus on how all people involved in sexual encounters need to be aware of what their decisions are, and that everyone needs to be responsible for their own decisions. If your a minor and you want to have sex, it should not be ONLY your partners responsibility to make sure the act is legal. This means IF your underage, YOU know how old you are, and IF YOU know the other person is over 18, then YOU should not have sex with that person b/c if that other person doesn't know your age YOU DO! I also want to focus on what being a sex offender can do to a person's life, and the lives of their friends and family. I want kids to begin to understand how people become sex offenders, and how not to become a sex offender. I also want people to realize what kind of trama and stress these decisions can put on others far beyond the immediate situations. Its not just about STD's and Baby making. Bad decisions made now can affect every aspect of their lives and their families lives from now to forever.
The Day I Taught How Not to Rape
Yesterday, the news invaded my classroom. I think the kids aren’t paying attention. I think the kids only care about the news as it relates to Justin Bieber. I think they aren’t listening or capable of advanced thought. Every single time I think one of those things, I sell out the ninth-graders that come traipsing through my room every day.It started when I picked this poem to go over different ways to look at poetry:
Witness
Martha Collins
If she says something now he’ll sayit’s not true if he says it’s not true
they’ll think it’s not true if they think
it’s not true it will be nothing new
but for her it will be a weightier
thing it will fill up the space where
he isn’t allowed it will open the door
of the room where she’s put him
away he will fill up her mind he will fill
up her plate and her glass he will fill up
her shoes and her clothes she will never
forget him he says if she says
something now if she says something ever
he never will let her forget and it’s true
for a week for a month but the more
she says true and the more he says not
the smaller he seems he may fill up
his shoes he may fill up his clothes
the usual spaces he fills but something
is missing whatever they say whatever
they think he is not what he was
and the room in her mind is open she
walks in and out as she pleases she says
what she pleases she says what she means.
It is ambiguous. I suppose that is the point. The best literature for me to teach is the kind that gives the kids enough to be interested in, but they still don’t have a clear idea of what is going on. We spend the day looking at the poem from every angle we can find, or at least that is the plan.
Yesterday, pretty immediately, someone in the back shot their hand up and did not wait for me to call on them. “Ms. Norman, this poem is about rape.” It wasn’t a question. It is rare for a fifteen-year-old to speak about anything with this kind of authority, let alone poetry. A few kids chimed in to agree with the first student and I admitted that I often read the poem that way, even if you don’t have to. I was about to launch into an explanation of other ways this poem could be read.
“Ms. Norman” another kid called, “Have you heard about that rape case in Ohio? Those guys got convicted. They have to go to jail. They are going to lose their scholarships. They were going to D-1 schools!”
“Well…”I responded, feeling the heat crawl up my neck, “maybe they are going to jail for rape because THEY ARE RAPISTS!” I yelled those last three words at my kids and watched as some of them blinked in surprise. Apparently, the thought had never occurred to them that these athletes who were convicted of rape, were in fact rapists.
It is a strange thing about looking into the face of a 15-year-old, to really see who they are. You still see the small child that their mother sees. You see the man or woman they will be before they graduate. They are babies whose innocence you want desperately to protect. They are old enough to know better, even if no one has taught them.
I realized then that some of my kids were genuinely confused. “How can she be raped?” they asked, “She wasn’t awake to say no.” These words out of a full fledged adult would have made me furious. I did get a good few minutes in response on victim blaming and why it is so terrible. But out of the face of a kid who still has baby fat, those words just made me sick. My students are still young enough, that mostly they just spout what they have learned, and they have learned that absent a no, the yes is implied.
It is uncomfortable to think that some of the students you still call babies have the potential to be rapists. It is sickening, it is terrifying, but it is true. It is a reality we have to face. My students have lived in a world for fifteen years where the joke “she probably wanted it” isn’t really a joke, they need to unlearn some lessons that no one will admit to teaching them.
Standing in front of my classroom and stating that a woman’s clothing choice is never permission to rape her should not be a radical act. But only a few heads nodded in agreement. Most were stunned, like this was a completely new thought. The follow up questions were terrifying in their earnestness. “Ms. Norman, you mean a woman walking down the street naked is not her inviting sex? How will I know she wants to have sex?” A surprisingly bold voice came out of a girl in the back “You’ll know when she says, you want to have sex?!”
If you want to keep teens from being rapists, you can no longer assume that they know how. You HAVE to talk about it. There is no longer a choice. It is no longer enough to talk to our kids about the mechanics of sex, it probably never was. We have to talk about consent, what it means, and how you are sure you have it. We have to teach clearly and boldly that consent is (in the words of Dianna E. Anderson) an enthusiastic, unequivocal YES!
What came next, when the idea of a clear yes came up, is the reason I will always choose to teach freshmen. They are still young enough to want to entertain new ideas. When we reversed the conversation from, “well she didn’t say no,” to “she has to say YES!” many of them lit up. “Ms. Norman,” they said, “that does make a lot more sense.” “Ms. Norman,” they exclaimed, “that way leaves a lot less confusion.” When one of the boys asked, well what do you want me to do, get a napkin and make her sign it, about four girls from the back yelled, YEAH!
What happened in Steubenville makes me sick, but we are kidding ourselves if we think that it is not representative of what is happening in basement parties after the homecoming game all across America. Our kids want to talk about it. They need to talk about it. We need to have conversations about consent that are not centered around what should have been done, but are instead centered on what will be done in the future. Our teens can handle it, I promise they can.
A strong understanding of consent as an enthusiastic and unequivocal yes is essential to reversing the culture that our teens have grown up in. The amazing thing is the way my students responded to the conversation. Our students want a better way, it is our responsibility to show it to them, even if it is scary, especially when it might make us uncomfortable.
Our students are paying attention. They do care about what is going on in the world. They do listen and are capable of advanced thought. I am done selling out the ninth-graders that traipse through my room every day. The news will no longer invade my classroom, instead I will invite it.
Friday, March 22, 2013
It will never end... sigh
Well this last few weeks have been so much fun, and so busy... wait not really. We did have a bit of fun with my daughter being in the American Girls Fashion show, BUT our car died, and then my husband's grandfather died and we have had my mother in law and brother in law staying with us for about two weeks now. They just left for Florida this evening. The most annoying thing is that we don't have a car, and we are borrowing a truck from my husbands ex wife, which is really sweet of her, but I'm not super confident in driving the big rear wheel drive truck and so my husband, who usually drives when we drop her off and pick her up from head start and now some "concerned" parent just had to call in and say that they felt that he was "hanging out" or behaving "suspiciously". So his PO calls and asks what he was doing and he says just drooping our daughter off and picking her up like normal. He is so annoyed about this that he has decided as soon as we have our own car again that he is not going to drive us any more because he just doesn't want her getting ridiculed in school because of who her dad is. SIGH... GIRRR.. People NEED to calm the crap down! SIGH... it just wont go away and people wont ease up. I almost want to type up a little flyer and tell people about every thing, and tell them all to ASK me if they have any questions or concerns...But I know that it just wont help... SIGH
Sunday, March 3, 2013
I feel like writing, what I feel like writing about I could not tell you; so here I am just typing what ever comes out of my fingers. I'm feeling kinda down right now, I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that our food stamps got cut, our medical was put on suspension for a month so my appeal for my tummy tuck has to be restarted, our car's tyranny went and we cant afford to pay for it to be fixed and we really don't have any money to buy a new car. Crossing fingers our taxes come back SOON so we can get a new car... I forgot how helpless it feels when you don't have a vehicle. And to top it all off my husbands PO is getting promoted and my husband has to get a new PO, and that scares me. We have dealt with good PO's and bad PO's, but I'm not sure my psyche can handle another BAD PO. The last bad one has already given me a complex. Its so bad that I've even gotten his current PO to not knock on the door like a battering ram any more, lol. I actually asked him one day if there is a class on "knocking on doors" that teaches them to pound on it as hard as possible. I told him that every time he dose that my heart jumps out of my chest and it sends me into a near panic attack. Now he knocks the "shave and a hair cut two bits" knock- gotta love a PO with a sense of humor. But the change makes me nervous, we have almost exactly one year left on the current probation and oh how I want to be out from under that fear. Not that his current PO is difficult or anything. He goes to check in once a month and the PO might or might not stop by once month and that's all but still it would be nice. I know my husband has to register until 2025 or some thing like that, which SUCKS only because if we move the person who can and does get the rawest end of the stick is our daughter. As it is I am slowly and methodically infiltrating the parents of my daughters Head Start Class, lol. I'm even on the policy counsel and I can see changes happening from my advise and experiences, which makes me feel better, but still no one but 2 friends showed up for her birthday party, which we had at the local casino so the kids could go swimming. Kinda sad if you ask me, but hey who wants to bring their kids to a "sex offenders" daughters birthday- who knows that guy who slept with a 15 ALMOST 16 yr old (she turned 16 two weeks after the incident) 20 yrs ago might be a danger to little kids that are 5 yrs old. Sigh.
We have been working on switching up my meds, I've been taken off the ADD med. I didn't think I was ADD but my concentration issues made the last med's DR curious, that and my counselor thought I might be ADD b/c I'm so bad at math.. NOPE my new meds Dr thinks I may have brain damage from when I had H1N1 in 2009, either from the 104 temp I ran for over a week, or from the Hypoxemia (low blood oxygen) that I had for over 2 weeks when I was on the ventilator. Any of that could have done damage to my brain. I've always thought that all my concentration issues, and brain farts, and everything was due to a mental break down from my daughter dying and now I find out it could be from the other traumatic event that happened that God Awful Year. The crappy thing is that my medical insurance wont cover the testing to find out if that's whats happening or not.
I did however find out last week that me with out my flexeral (muscle relaxer) and klonipin (anti anxiety med) and the week of my girls birthday do not mix. Because of the mix up with our medical I ran out of those two mends, and I kinda fell into a state of mild panic, and my back started to tense up and freeze again, and with nothing to help my back relax, and nothing to stop that panic attack I was literally non functioning. I was perpetually cold, I was going to bed at like 9pm, and still taking a 3 hour nap in the afternoons. I hurt so bad I could barely move and I was cranky. I hate being cranky, I hate feeling short with my daughter, I don't want to be cranky, I don't want to waste my time and her time together being cranky. Life is too short to live it cranky.
In other things, I've been reading the 50 Shades of Grey books, 2 down 1 to go, and let me tell you for the whole of the first book I was in a deep conflict with myself. I saw parts of me in the "submissive" role, but at the same time I don't see myself as purely "sub". I was irritated with myself because I felt like I was giving my "power" away, or some BS like that. And then I had a situation with a newer friend where she had a flash back and I switched from, serving people mode into protective, "mama bear" solid rock, mode and I realized that yes I am and can be both. The sad thing is with this realization came a realization that one of my friends who I really thought I trusted has been disrespecting me for most of if not all of our friendship. I decided that I can't allow this anymore, This was a very difficult conclusion for me to come to and I'm deeply hurt by it, but I'm also very angry at him for over 6 years of disrespect. He has disrespected me in my own personal boundaries in that the manner that he flirts is consistently pushing my boundaries of what is ok and not ok, bordering on sexual harassment; he has always liked me and I've not returned those feelings and he has never changed his behavior to match my requests. He has disrespected me in my relationships; he bad mouths and judges my husband and then spreads discontent among my other friends which adds strain to my friendships. He disrespects me in my friendships by talking badly about me behind my back and assuming he can do things better than I do in certain business situations, and he disrespects me in my trust because he has talked about things that I've told him in confidence and not kept them confidential. A simple yet typical expression of this disrespect is this. When I meet him he gave me 2 books to read about the Pollyamery/Open Relationship life style. I read them in the first month because I felt I was showing him a level of respect to understand him better. Likewise I gave him a book series to read, just 3 fiction novels but I'm the kind of person who finds truth and lessons in every thing I read. There are quite a few lessons I can see in these books, He has had these books for over 6 years and he has not read a single one yet. So now I'm at this point that I will not continue with my friendship with him unless he reads those books, I have mixed feelings about doing this. I don't often Demand anything from my friends to be my friend, but I'm tired of not being respected and taken for granted. I guess for once I just really need to SEE some action. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. BUT I keep having to remind myself that I'm NOT being a Bitch or unreasonable, hence the need to type this out.
ALSO I'm still in school, and if I can pass my geology class this semester I will actually FINALLY have my AA degree!!! One more step towards my goal of being a psychologist, however now I've been advised to write a book, and consider going into teaching psychology, so um... WOW I don't know what I'm going to do in the future.
We still want to get a farm and raise Alpacas. AND I still want to get the groups set up to help people who have lost children, and for Sex Offenders and their families on how to deal with the repercussions of being a Sex Offender. I even want to start a program to help prevent teens and young adults from becoming sex offenders or from getting others in trouble as a sex offender. Of coarse all of this takes SOOO much learning, and SOOO many more years of schooling so I still have a LONG journey to go on that aspect.
On a different topic my daughters just turned 5 yrs old and my little angel on earth is now in gymnastics, and all prepped to be in kindergarten next year. We finally got her on SSI so finances are a little better, but not wonderful- not having a car is killing me. She even gets to be in the American Girl Fashion show next weekend, she gets to be a "biddy baby" in paisley pink pajamas, and she gets a free outfit! How kewl is that?! She is so excited, and I'm so happy that we could get this set up for her. I don't know what will come of this for her but hey its gonna be a great experience I think, hope.
WOW this is a long post. I'm sorry, I don't know if anyone is actually still reading this, but ya know I do feel a little better having gotten so much of this stuff out of my head and hopefully out of my moods. I'm so tired, and my back and neck hurts, but we have a friend coming over to play cards, and I miss my adult time with her and my husband so even though I want to go to sleep I'm not going to b/c I would rather spend some time with my friend. I don't have a lot of friends up here, we live where my husband grew up and honestly I love it. I love the scenery, and the slower lifestyle and the less people and everything but I am 3 to 4 hours away from my friends and my sister and father. Some of my friends have accused my husband of taking me up here to get me away from my support system, but its really more of the fact that its cheeper to live up here and we are closer to his kids. BUT hey my friend is here so talk to all later.
We have been working on switching up my meds, I've been taken off the ADD med. I didn't think I was ADD but my concentration issues made the last med's DR curious, that and my counselor thought I might be ADD b/c I'm so bad at math.. NOPE my new meds Dr thinks I may have brain damage from when I had H1N1 in 2009, either from the 104 temp I ran for over a week, or from the Hypoxemia (low blood oxygen) that I had for over 2 weeks when I was on the ventilator. Any of that could have done damage to my brain. I've always thought that all my concentration issues, and brain farts, and everything was due to a mental break down from my daughter dying and now I find out it could be from the other traumatic event that happened that God Awful Year. The crappy thing is that my medical insurance wont cover the testing to find out if that's whats happening or not.
I did however find out last week that me with out my flexeral (muscle relaxer) and klonipin (anti anxiety med) and the week of my girls birthday do not mix. Because of the mix up with our medical I ran out of those two mends, and I kinda fell into a state of mild panic, and my back started to tense up and freeze again, and with nothing to help my back relax, and nothing to stop that panic attack I was literally non functioning. I was perpetually cold, I was going to bed at like 9pm, and still taking a 3 hour nap in the afternoons. I hurt so bad I could barely move and I was cranky. I hate being cranky, I hate feeling short with my daughter, I don't want to be cranky, I don't want to waste my time and her time together being cranky. Life is too short to live it cranky.
In other things, I've been reading the 50 Shades of Grey books, 2 down 1 to go, and let me tell you for the whole of the first book I was in a deep conflict with myself. I saw parts of me in the "submissive" role, but at the same time I don't see myself as purely "sub". I was irritated with myself because I felt like I was giving my "power" away, or some BS like that. And then I had a situation with a newer friend where she had a flash back and I switched from, serving people mode into protective, "mama bear" solid rock, mode and I realized that yes I am and can be both. The sad thing is with this realization came a realization that one of my friends who I really thought I trusted has been disrespecting me for most of if not all of our friendship. I decided that I can't allow this anymore, This was a very difficult conclusion for me to come to and I'm deeply hurt by it, but I'm also very angry at him for over 6 years of disrespect. He has disrespected me in my own personal boundaries in that the manner that he flirts is consistently pushing my boundaries of what is ok and not ok, bordering on sexual harassment; he has always liked me and I've not returned those feelings and he has never changed his behavior to match my requests. He has disrespected me in my relationships; he bad mouths and judges my husband and then spreads discontent among my other friends which adds strain to my friendships. He disrespects me in my friendships by talking badly about me behind my back and assuming he can do things better than I do in certain business situations, and he disrespects me in my trust because he has talked about things that I've told him in confidence and not kept them confidential. A simple yet typical expression of this disrespect is this. When I meet him he gave me 2 books to read about the Pollyamery/Open Relationship life style. I read them in the first month because I felt I was showing him a level of respect to understand him better. Likewise I gave him a book series to read, just 3 fiction novels but I'm the kind of person who finds truth and lessons in every thing I read. There are quite a few lessons I can see in these books, He has had these books for over 6 years and he has not read a single one yet. So now I'm at this point that I will not continue with my friendship with him unless he reads those books, I have mixed feelings about doing this. I don't often Demand anything from my friends to be my friend, but I'm tired of not being respected and taken for granted. I guess for once I just really need to SEE some action. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. BUT I keep having to remind myself that I'm NOT being a Bitch or unreasonable, hence the need to type this out.
ALSO I'm still in school, and if I can pass my geology class this semester I will actually FINALLY have my AA degree!!! One more step towards my goal of being a psychologist, however now I've been advised to write a book, and consider going into teaching psychology, so um... WOW I don't know what I'm going to do in the future.
We still want to get a farm and raise Alpacas. AND I still want to get the groups set up to help people who have lost children, and for Sex Offenders and their families on how to deal with the repercussions of being a Sex Offender. I even want to start a program to help prevent teens and young adults from becoming sex offenders or from getting others in trouble as a sex offender. Of coarse all of this takes SOOO much learning, and SOOO many more years of schooling so I still have a LONG journey to go on that aspect.
On a different topic my daughters just turned 5 yrs old and my little angel on earth is now in gymnastics, and all prepped to be in kindergarten next year. We finally got her on SSI so finances are a little better, but not wonderful- not having a car is killing me. She even gets to be in the American Girl Fashion show next weekend, she gets to be a "biddy baby" in paisley pink pajamas, and she gets a free outfit! How kewl is that?! She is so excited, and I'm so happy that we could get this set up for her. I don't know what will come of this for her but hey its gonna be a great experience I think, hope.
WOW this is a long post. I'm sorry, I don't know if anyone is actually still reading this, but ya know I do feel a little better having gotten so much of this stuff out of my head and hopefully out of my moods. I'm so tired, and my back and neck hurts, but we have a friend coming over to play cards, and I miss my adult time with her and my husband so even though I want to go to sleep I'm not going to b/c I would rather spend some time with my friend. I don't have a lot of friends up here, we live where my husband grew up and honestly I love it. I love the scenery, and the slower lifestyle and the less people and everything but I am 3 to 4 hours away from my friends and my sister and father. Some of my friends have accused my husband of taking me up here to get me away from my support system, but its really more of the fact that its cheeper to live up here and we are closer to his kids. BUT hey my friend is here so talk to all later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)