I know I don't post often, and frankly that's because honestly there is very little to talk about when it comes to the sex offender issues if your following all the rules and just being a simple family that lives a simple life and for the most part gets along with those around us.
I expect animosity and judgement from people outside of our sphere of people.  Well I just got smacked in the face from an area I was not expecting.
My cousin got married last weekend.  It was far away and as most of this part of my families group outings tend to be, in a rather expensive area of anything they choose to do.   So as the wedding approached I had been talking with my mom and my sister, and neither of them had decided to go.  My mom claiming it was to expensive.  Then just a week out I find out that both of them are going and no one told me.  I was hurt, I felt betrayed and I know those words sound so dramatic but that's how I felt.  I was not about to bring this up while they were there.  Let them have fun and all.  So I tell my mom that I really felt left out.  She said she could understand but I was able to go to a different. wedding that my sister did not get to go on so it was fair.  So next she tells me about another possible family outing.  Expensive yes, sounds like fun yes.  She tells me that I'd have to get a pass-port for myself and my daughter.  I say well that's far enough away that we should be able to work something out, and even get it approved for my husband to come along with us.  Now we have talked about taking a similar trip where my husband was included but this time he was not.  She first claimed that he can't leave the country, I said anything is possible when people ask for permission.  Then she drops the big bomb on me.  Several people in my family would not feel comfortable with my husband coming along and being around their children.
I expect this from other people but I did not expect it from my family.  Not my family who all grew up very Christian and are supposed to love people the same way Jesus loves, and forgive the way Jesus forgives.  Every fiber of my being wanted to say this.

"Ya Know, expenses aren't always going to be a problem and I expect that kind of attitude from outsiders not from my family.  He is not going away; and although he would say that it doesn't matter and he doesn't care I knew it would be a lie." 
I also wanted to send this....
I expect it from outsiders not family who are all Christians who say they believe in Christ and the power to cleanse forgive and provide redemption for all sins."
I was going to go on to discuss how no sin is greater than any other sin and responding to people who have sinned and been forgiven by God with such malice is like spitting in God's face in my opinion.

But I did not send that text because it would just start a fight. We have already fought about how she feels I'm taking Jesus' teachings to far with being able to over look his past.  That I'm not Jesus so I should not try to be like Him in this manner.   I've read the Bible, it doesn't say Love everyone unless they do something you cant look past.  It says love everyone because I love you and everyone and you are to be ambassadors for me on the earth.

 SO I choose to not say this.  She asked if I was mad at her  I honestly responded with , not you but people who choose fear and judgement over understanding and love.  I told I married him and that I kept saying I was OK with this.  She must have said that 3 times, like that' her I did not expect it from my family.  She just kept saying that she tried to worn me about this before supposed to make it all better, that I should have expected this.  That I said I was fine with it.  SHE NEVER said my family was going to be like this.  All this last week I've had a funny feeling that this is why my mom and my sister forgot to tell me that they were going, because she was afraid I would insist on bringing my husband and that would make people uncomfortable on a day where everyone was supposed to be happy and care free.  And lookie here I was so very right and this sucks.  I told my councler about this last week and she said she highly doubted it was that, and that I needed to own my feelings and let my mom know how I was feeling.  So I followed her advise and look what it got me.  Sigh!  My mom told me that she thinks that the other families are just wanting to be cautious, just like she would have been with us girls and my family doesn't know him and so they would rather be cautious.  But how are they ever going to get to know him if they NEVER let him be around them?  I will NEVER understand this manner of thinking.  Of coarse this just doesn't help that I have not felt like I'm really part of this side of my family for oh I don't know  over half of my life.  It was one of the reasons I had wanted to go live with my dad at one point.  Oh well lets just tack this up on one more time where who and what I am is not good enough for other people.   Don't really know why I even care.  I live very far away from that entire part of my family and they wont even give me an hour or two on the times when some of them have been in my state to visit other family.  I feel like I've tried over and over again but I'm just never going to be up to their standards.  I could get my Masters or even Doctorate degree but the fact that I've chosen to continue to live in a cold state, and I've married a sex offender who has not done a dame thing since his original offence besides paper issues.  GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR is about all I really can say right now.   SO ya I'm done must put small one to bed.  Thank you all for reading.... the whole 2 of you who follow me.  I just really needed to vent this out.