When I think about how my life has changed since I married my husband, "the scary" "dangerous" sex-offender, I often find it difficult to really see a change per say. I think having children and losing a child has changed my life far more dramatically than my husbands status as a sex offender. The main changes deal with community activities and acceptance and since I've always felt like an outsider in most communities that is not a big change to me. I do admit that my few experiences on television have been interesting. And I may never stop being irate over people's ignorance and mean spirited behaviors that ignorance breeds. I can tell you that as a person who has had very little interaction with the law adjusting to the rules and regulations placed on my husband has been an experience, and there is so much to learn.
If I were to give advise to someone who is planning on spending their life with a sex offender no matter what level they are give one of the most important things to do it to make sure you KNOW almost every detail of the offense, keep copy's of ALL documentation regarding the original offense and any probationary statutes and state laws on file and easily accessible because you never know when your going to need to show proof for what ever may be happening. If a PO officer stops by your house and you have a bottle of wine in the kitchen, you better make sure that your spouse is aloud to have alcohol around. If your spouse can then have that documented proof on hand. If you have children make sure your significant other is aloud to be around your children. If you are unsure, find out, if it looks like it is not aloud but you think it should be, talk to their PO. A PO can be your best friend or your worst nightmare and unfortunately this is not something you can really influence. Every PO is different and there are good ones and bad ones. My husband had a bad one at one time and I'm telling you that woman gave me a complex. I felt as if she was constantly trying to find ways to get my husband in trouble and put back in jail. I started having panic attacks every time she wanted to meet with him, and every time she called him. She took every question we asked her as an assault to her authority and therefore was very hostile toward myself and my husband. The PO my husband has now is very reasonable and I do not feel threatened by him. I know that he will be fair and even tempered no matter what comes up.
Nevertheless I keep all documantation I need with in easy find and reach at all times at home and in the car. I make multipule copies of all documents just so if anyone questions ANYTHING I have the proof right there and then.
To this extent I have to say I've done my own homework.
I've spoken to just about everyone involved in all situations so I know all angles of the situations. I've attended a sex offender supervision coarse so that I know what to look for and I understand some of the psychology behind many sexual offenses, and I have the documentation proving that I've atteded these classes. We have also gone in front of a judge and gotten me listed as an approved supervisor for my husband and I have this information on hand as well. I help make sure my husband gets any and all paperwork turned in on time, and when we do move I double check the local laws regarding sex offenders because different cities, counties, states and countries have different laws. It is a mistake to think that the PO or the local government will convey pertinent information to the place you plan to move to; we have made this mistake before. Also it is very important to open EVERY piece of mail from any governmental agency because even if you think its just a copy of some paperwork for your records it may be a paper that needs to be signed and sent back or some other vital information that if not handled could add up to a violation of a law you never knew existed. And believe me there are TONS of laws you NEVER knew existed. For instance did you know that if a level 3 sex offender, currently on probation, moves to North Dakota that state will automatically start civil commitment proceedings and could decide to have this person permanently committed to a mental hospital for the safety of the public and the individuals own safety. Or how about Missouri? In Missouri if a sex offender moves to Missouri both the sex offender and their spouse are subjected to yearly polygraph tests and are required to attend counseling in order to live together, whether or not they have children together or not. And of coarse non of this is paid for by the state that is requiring these actions.
I think the biggest piece of advise I would give is this. BEFORE YOU THINK OF MOVING CALL AND FIND OUT WHAT THE SPECIFIC SEX OFFENDER LAWS ARE IN THE AREA YOU WANT TO MOVE TO. Also important to look into is how many sex offenders currently live in this area. If your married to a level 3 and there will be a public announcement and your also the first level 3 to move to this area be careful, its much easier to single you out and people can be cruel. One place we moved to we had our tires slashed 4 or 5 times in the first month we lived there because some creep stood up in the meeting and told the whole lot of the people there what our car looked like. Its hard as hell for a sex offender to find a job, let alone one that pays decent and those extra tires were not easy to afford.
As a Spouse of a sex offender life is not easy and people are cruel but if you can be prepared and informed it makes things much much easier.
Me
just Me
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
I feel like typing. I don't know what I feel like typing but I feel like typing. I've been feeling so much up and down recently that I barely know how to handle it. None of this has to do with my husband or his past. I just feel BLARGH! I just feel overwhelmed by so much. Had county meetings today about how much or little I can work.. which is not much.. My daughter got denied AGAIN for SSI and her old lawyer dropped her because they did not want to take it to the federal level. That means no back pay from her birth, oh well, just want her on SSI so that we can make sure she gets the services she needs. her old lawyer was so rude to me, I actually faced my darkest feelings as of yet. I actually felt like letting myself fall down the back stairs. I didn't, I walked outside instead and just let it rain on me. I sat there crying until my husband came and made me come inside. I just felt so hopeless and defeated. Finances are weighing on my head, we want to start our farm, and we want to work for ourselves; we want to be self sufficient and off of all social financial aid, but finding the funding is proving to be harder and harder, or at least harder than I thought it was gonna be. Maybe I'd been fooling myself thinking it would be easy to find grants and what not but its not. Of coarse the parts of my husbands past doesn't help this part of life. We don't have good credit, and many grants don't want to help people who have any criminal past. I guess this is partly why we want to help others who have a hard time finding work because of their pasts as well.
Urgh.... I just feel so off... so.... flat..... Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Urgh.... I just feel so off... so.... flat..... Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Monday, April 23, 2012
I know I don't post often, and frankly that's because honestly there is very little to talk about when it comes to the sex offender issues if your following all the rules and just being a simple family that lives a simple life and for the most part gets along with those around us.
I expect animosity and judgement from people outside of our sphere of people. Well I just got smacked in the face from an area I was not expecting.
My cousin got married last weekend. It was far away and as most of this part of my families group outings tend to be, in a rather expensive area of anything they choose to do. So as the wedding approached I had been talking with my mom and my sister, and neither of them had decided to go. My mom claiming it was to expensive. Then just a week out I find out that both of them are going and no one told me. I was hurt, I felt betrayed and I know those words sound so dramatic but that's how I felt. I was not about to bring this up while they were there. Let them have fun and all. So I tell my mom that I really felt left out. She said she could understand but I was able to go to a different. wedding that my sister did not get to go on so it was fair. So next she tells me about another possible family outing. Expensive yes, sounds like fun yes. She tells me that I'd have to get a pass-port for myself and my daughter. I say well that's far enough away that we should be able to work something out, and even get it approved for my husband to come along with us. Now we have talked about taking a similar trip where my husband was included but this time he was not. She first claimed that he can't leave the country, I said anything is possible when people ask for permission. Then she drops the big bomb on me. Several people in my family would not feel comfortable with my husband coming along and being around their children.
I expect this from other people but I did not expect it from my family. Not my family who all grew up very Christian and are supposed to love people the same way Jesus loves, and forgive the way Jesus forgives. Every fiber of my being wanted to say this.
"Ya Know, expenses aren't always going to be a problem and I expect that kind of attitude from outsiders not from my family. He is not going away; and although he would say that it doesn't matter and he doesn't care I knew it would be a lie."
I also wanted to send this....
I expect it from outsiders not family who are all Christians who say they believe in Christ and the power to cleanse forgive and provide redemption for all sins."
I was going to go on to discuss how no sin is greater than any other sin and responding to people who have sinned and been forgiven by God with such malice is like spitting in God's face in my opinion.
But I did not send that text because it would just start a fight. We have already fought about how she feels I'm taking Jesus' teachings to far with being able to over look his past. That I'm not Jesus so I should not try to be like Him in this manner. I've read the Bible, it doesn't say Love everyone unless they do something you cant look past. It says love everyone because I love you and everyone and you are to be ambassadors for me on the earth.
SO I choose to not say this. She asked if I was mad at her I honestly responded with , not you but people who choose fear and judgement over understanding and love. I told I married him and that I kept saying I was OK with this. She must have said that 3 times, like that' her I did not expect it from my family. She just kept saying that she tried to worn me about this before supposed to make it all better, that I should have expected this. That I said I was fine with it. SHE NEVER said my family was going to be like this. All this last week I've had a funny feeling that this is why my mom and my sister forgot to tell me that they were going, because she was afraid I would insist on bringing my husband and that would make people uncomfortable on a day where everyone was supposed to be happy and care free. And lookie here I was so very right and this sucks. I told my councler about this last week and she said she highly doubted it was that, and that I needed to own my feelings and let my mom know how I was feeling. So I followed her advise and look what it got me. Sigh! My mom told me that she thinks that the other families are just wanting to be cautious, just like she would have been with us girls and my family doesn't know him and so they would rather be cautious. But how are they ever going to get to know him if they NEVER let him be around them? I will NEVER understand this manner of thinking. Of coarse this just doesn't help that I have not felt like I'm really part of this side of my family for oh I don't know over half of my life. It was one of the reasons I had wanted to go live with my dad at one point. Oh well lets just tack this up on one more time where who and what I am is not good enough for other people. Don't really know why I even care. I live very far away from that entire part of my family and they wont even give me an hour or two on the times when some of them have been in my state to visit other family. I feel like I've tried over and over again but I'm just never going to be up to their standards. I could get my Masters or even Doctorate degree but the fact that I've chosen to continue to live in a cold state, and I've married a sex offender who has not done a dame thing since his original offence besides paper issues. GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR is about all I really can say right now. SO ya I'm done must put small one to bed. Thank you all for reading.... the whole 2 of you who follow me. I just really needed to vent this out.
I expect animosity and judgement from people outside of our sphere of people. Well I just got smacked in the face from an area I was not expecting.
My cousin got married last weekend. It was far away and as most of this part of my families group outings tend to be, in a rather expensive area of anything they choose to do. So as the wedding approached I had been talking with my mom and my sister, and neither of them had decided to go. My mom claiming it was to expensive. Then just a week out I find out that both of them are going and no one told me. I was hurt, I felt betrayed and I know those words sound so dramatic but that's how I felt. I was not about to bring this up while they were there. Let them have fun and all. So I tell my mom that I really felt left out. She said she could understand but I was able to go to a different. wedding that my sister did not get to go on so it was fair. So next she tells me about another possible family outing. Expensive yes, sounds like fun yes. She tells me that I'd have to get a pass-port for myself and my daughter. I say well that's far enough away that we should be able to work something out, and even get it approved for my husband to come along with us. Now we have talked about taking a similar trip where my husband was included but this time he was not. She first claimed that he can't leave the country, I said anything is possible when people ask for permission. Then she drops the big bomb on me. Several people in my family would not feel comfortable with my husband coming along and being around their children.
I expect this from other people but I did not expect it from my family. Not my family who all grew up very Christian and are supposed to love people the same way Jesus loves, and forgive the way Jesus forgives. Every fiber of my being wanted to say this.
"Ya Know, expenses aren't always going to be a problem and I expect that kind of attitude from outsiders not from my family. He is not going away; and although he would say that it doesn't matter and he doesn't care I knew it would be a lie."
I also wanted to send this....
I expect it from outsiders not family who are all Christians who say they believe in Christ and the power to cleanse forgive and provide redemption for all sins."
I was going to go on to discuss how no sin is greater than any other sin and responding to people who have sinned and been forgiven by God with such malice is like spitting in God's face in my opinion.
But I did not send that text because it would just start a fight. We have already fought about how she feels I'm taking Jesus' teachings to far with being able to over look his past. That I'm not Jesus so I should not try to be like Him in this manner. I've read the Bible, it doesn't say Love everyone unless they do something you cant look past. It says love everyone because I love you and everyone and you are to be ambassadors for me on the earth.
SO I choose to not say this. She asked if I was mad at her I honestly responded with , not you but people who choose fear and judgement over understanding and love. I told I married him and that I kept saying I was OK with this. She must have said that 3 times, like that' her I did not expect it from my family. She just kept saying that she tried to worn me about this before supposed to make it all better, that I should have expected this. That I said I was fine with it. SHE NEVER said my family was going to be like this. All this last week I've had a funny feeling that this is why my mom and my sister forgot to tell me that they were going, because she was afraid I would insist on bringing my husband and that would make people uncomfortable on a day where everyone was supposed to be happy and care free. And lookie here I was so very right and this sucks. I told my councler about this last week and she said she highly doubted it was that, and that I needed to own my feelings and let my mom know how I was feeling. So I followed her advise and look what it got me. Sigh! My mom told me that she thinks that the other families are just wanting to be cautious, just like she would have been with us girls and my family doesn't know him and so they would rather be cautious. But how are they ever going to get to know him if they NEVER let him be around them? I will NEVER understand this manner of thinking. Of coarse this just doesn't help that I have not felt like I'm really part of this side of my family for oh I don't know over half of my life. It was one of the reasons I had wanted to go live with my dad at one point. Oh well lets just tack this up on one more time where who and what I am is not good enough for other people. Don't really know why I even care. I live very far away from that entire part of my family and they wont even give me an hour or two on the times when some of them have been in my state to visit other family. I feel like I've tried over and over again but I'm just never going to be up to their standards. I could get my Masters or even Doctorate degree but the fact that I've chosen to continue to live in a cold state, and I've married a sex offender who has not done a dame thing since his original offence besides paper issues. GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR is about all I really can say right now. SO ya I'm done must put small one to bed. Thank you all for reading.... the whole 2 of you who follow me. I just really needed to vent this out.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Random Rambling
I don't really know what to write about tonight. I'm sitting here watching Sleepless in Seattle, while my wonderful hubby plays his video game. I am in such a funk this evening, and I wish I knew why. Today was my daughters dance class, and I've been feeling ever more uncomfortable with the other "dance moms". I'm sure many of them know who and what my husband is and therefor judge me by that information. I hate that people will judge any situation just by rumors or facts that are now almost 20 years ago. I've tried to talk to the other mom's and they just don't seem interested. I've tried to jump into a conversation and I almost get out right ignored. So far this snubbing has not gotten passed down to my daughter, she is still loved by just about every child she meets. Its so sweet, I want her to stay this happy for as long as possible. Well back to the story... I decided to wander a bit instead of sitting in the dance dressing room. I just walked up and down the street that the dance class is on and wandered the stores. In the Hallmark Store I saw beautiful nick-knacks and cards and other stuff that would be expected, but I also saw a few things that just made me sad. There were a number of little kitschy stuff that were supposed to be funny, but really were very sarcastic and kind of mean. This set my brain thinking. Careful this is a dangerous thing for me to do. But why do we use mean things, sarcastic and negatively based phrases and ideas as humor? Why does everyone have to have a "comeback" for what ever is said. Why is negativity and meanness suddenly normal? Why does my step daughter always feel the need to have the last word and make everyone else wrong and her point as driven home as she can possibly make it? Why do people seem to try to be so difficult. Its almost like its a mark of individuality or independence. Well this train of thought started me going down one of those darker pathways in my mind, which in always leads me to my other daughters death, and all this sadness and emptiness that I hold back so much of just opens up below me like a great chasm into which I slip and plummet into and climbing out takes so much time, energy, and understanding from my poor family. So with that chasm looming close to me I continued to wander and found the guest books, which again made me think of my daughter, when I raced around looking for a guest book for her funeral, and could only find one at a Hallmark store, similar to the one I was in. I also found this little round box with a little angel on the top that said something about blessings come in small packages or something and all I could see and think about was my baby. How much I miss her, and how much that box is similar to her tiny and precious and gone. I continued my walk, and found cards of sympathy and love from husbands to wives and what not, and that just made me remember how lucky I am with my husband, but that pain and the love make a very odd combination in my psyche. Needless to say my mood has not gotten much better the rest of the night.
SIGH...
On other topics, my dear tiny dancer did not get a sticker t in today's class, so being the mom that I am I went straight to the teacher (not to yell at her) but to find out what my daughter had done. I find out that she refused to dance the tap portion of the class. As I'm getting her dressed to go she told me her feet hurt, because her tap shoes hurt her. DING DING DING light went off, lets check the size of her current tap shoes. YEPPERS they were too small. We went straight to the used dance items and found a pair of tap shoes for 5 dollars that fit perfect. WHOOT!!! I so win that round, and now there should be no issues with her participation in class.
I'm on spring break right now from my school, and eventually I WILL use this week to get caught up on my reading, but so far I've not felt like it. I don't feel like doing much right now, I do feel like crying right now for no real reason. SIGH.
Well its almost midnight so I'm gonna go to bed. Night night everyone or who ever may read this.
SIGH...
On other topics, my dear tiny dancer did not get a sticker t in today's class, so being the mom that I am I went straight to the teacher (not to yell at her) but to find out what my daughter had done. I find out that she refused to dance the tap portion of the class. As I'm getting her dressed to go she told me her feet hurt, because her tap shoes hurt her. DING DING DING light went off, lets check the size of her current tap shoes. YEPPERS they were too small. We went straight to the used dance items and found a pair of tap shoes for 5 dollars that fit perfect. WHOOT!!! I so win that round, and now there should be no issues with her participation in class.
I'm on spring break right now from my school, and eventually I WILL use this week to get caught up on my reading, but so far I've not felt like it. I don't feel like doing much right now, I do feel like crying right now for no real reason. SIGH.
Well its almost midnight so I'm gonna go to bed. Night night everyone or who ever may read this.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Cranky
I'm feeling so very cranky recently. One friend says its because its February and that leads me up to my girls birthday. Its possible. It's so had to celebrate one and remember the other at the same time. I wish I had a group of parents who have been through this kind of stuff I could talk to but the last group I joined really hurt me, so now I just don't want to send my heart out there any more. But sadly this makes for a cranky me.
Remember I'm taking classes for college one line, and sometimes it feels like no matter what I try to do or when I try to do it I just can't get my school work done, and that just makes me more and more irritated. My step daughter is now taking school from home. Long story but the basics is I think she has been misdiagnosed with ADD and Bi Polar. I think she has asp burgers autism because she has no understanding of social norms and other comfortably. I think her life as being the child of a sex offender has also shaped her view of things, and it shapes the view of the people around her that she comes in contact with . Its been a part of her life for so long that she forgets that not everyone knows her and her fathers story, nor do need to. When they held the school board meeting Monday I stayed home with my almost 4 yr old and my almost 16 year old step son. It sounded like they were leaning towards home-bound schooling. She only needs two English classes and she can graduate, and this is her 2 or 3 year of being a senior so this is important! I think what gets me in this situation is that the stories are so different, My daughter viewed the "incidences" as friends just playing around, and was not conscious of body parts etc. And the other girls (3) say it had happened more than once and that they had asked her to stop and she didn't so they finally turned her in. Everyone says that their main concern if or her to get the help she needs to not make these kinds of mistakes again. However instead of sitting the 3 other girls down with my daughter and calmly have a discussion that is moderated to keep them all on track they just brush my daughter under the carpet and keep her completely separated. I as other parents, how do you teach your children right from wrong unless you can get them to empathize with another and not want to treat the in that way? My daughter says she has always been very touchy feely and she seems to NEED either constant physical connection to people around her or she needs to be tethered to her lap top so she can Skype for countless hours. She needs some version of personal contact almost every second o f every day, and is someone texts her at 4 am, she will still answer it! So for her any physical touch is on a friend basis. We will have see. Oh besides the alpaca farm I have a new goal. I want to start a program that can go all over the country to high schools and colleges do something like DARE- if you know what that is your as old as me lol. Well instead of DARE9 (drug abuse resistance education) I want to do SOAP or (Sex Offender Avoidance and Prevention) classes. So here we go people I am officially claiming this idea as mine so some how I've got to make sure no one else can run with my idea.
Shift topics, we got his fines from our OK county paid off so we are working at getting all our past bills paid so that its easier to get the stuff we need to do and have to start the alpaca farm. Other than that I'm just working threw school and I keep falling behind because I totally could not read for the life of me for one whole week so now I"m behind. Sigh.
So now we have an on-going issue with some friends from the south where one mother has accused her now ex husband of molesting her two children and when that was dropped in court she proceeded to charge her former step son of doing the same to her girls as well. I have to say I am so very glad that I am 4 hours away.
Oh I'm down to 225 now! That's 68 lbs since last April!! and 4 months ago I was around people who were smoking before their own feelings. Ok I'm tired and I"m gonna go to bed night everyone.
Remember I'm taking classes for college one line, and sometimes it feels like no matter what I try to do or when I try to do it I just can't get my school work done, and that just makes me more and more irritated. My step daughter is now taking school from home. Long story but the basics is I think she has been misdiagnosed with ADD and Bi Polar. I think she has asp burgers autism because she has no understanding of social norms and other comfortably. I think her life as being the child of a sex offender has also shaped her view of things, and it shapes the view of the people around her that she comes in contact with . Its been a part of her life for so long that she forgets that not everyone knows her and her fathers story, nor do need to. When they held the school board meeting Monday I stayed home with my almost 4 yr old and my almost 16 year old step son. It sounded like they were leaning towards home-bound schooling. She only needs two English classes and she can graduate, and this is her 2 or 3 year of being a senior so this is important! I think what gets me in this situation is that the stories are so different, My daughter viewed the "incidences" as friends just playing around, and was not conscious of body parts etc. And the other girls (3) say it had happened more than once and that they had asked her to stop and she didn't so they finally turned her in. Everyone says that their main concern if or her to get the help she needs to not make these kinds of mistakes again. However instead of sitting the 3 other girls down with my daughter and calmly have a discussion that is moderated to keep them all on track they just brush my daughter under the carpet and keep her completely separated. I as other parents, how do you teach your children right from wrong unless you can get them to empathize with another and not want to treat the in that way? My daughter says she has always been very touchy feely and she seems to NEED either constant physical connection to people around her or she needs to be tethered to her lap top so she can Skype for countless hours. She needs some version of personal contact almost every second o f every day, and is someone texts her at 4 am, she will still answer it! So for her any physical touch is on a friend basis. We will have see. Oh besides the alpaca farm I have a new goal. I want to start a program that can go all over the country to high schools and colleges do something like DARE- if you know what that is your as old as me lol. Well instead of DARE9 (drug abuse resistance education) I want to do SOAP or (Sex Offender Avoidance and Prevention) classes. So here we go people I am officially claiming this idea as mine so some how I've got to make sure no one else can run with my idea.
Shift topics, we got his fines from our OK county paid off so we are working at getting all our past bills paid so that its easier to get the stuff we need to do and have to start the alpaca farm. Other than that I'm just working threw school and I keep falling behind because I totally could not read for the life of me for one whole week so now I"m behind. Sigh.
So now we have an on-going issue with some friends from the south where one mother has accused her now ex husband of molesting her two children and when that was dropped in court she proceeded to charge her former step son of doing the same to her girls as well. I have to say I am so very glad that I am 4 hours away.
Oh I'm down to 225 now! That's 68 lbs since last April!! and 4 months ago I was around people who were smoking before their own feelings. Ok I'm tired and I"m gonna go to bed night everyone.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Ok so I'm going to attempt to actually post on this at least once or twice a week. I can't promise it's gonna be interesting, being the wife of a level three sex offender still on probation tends to limit ones activities. Most people our age have kids and until recently he has not had a PO that was OK with him participating in that part of life. Mind you ALL Of our friends know his past, his complete past, because we both feel that its the responsible and safe thing to do. When you try to hide something it almost ALWAYS comes back to bite your butt later. It is kind of odd, people assume that all sex offenders are pedophiles, so they tightly restrict the individuals access to children, which removes just about any community service or charity work. How does a person reform his or her when doing good deeds are forbidden to them. However in a similar panicky fear sex offenders are forbidden to participate in just about anything sexual including personal pleasure toys, even to be used in a monogamous loving relationship. If a PO wants to be very picky that SO could get in big trouble with that. I'm not really sure how people are supposed to develop a good relationship with something by cutting it out completely. Its kind of like people addicted to food, you can't just stop eating, and you can't just eat less you need to realize where your thoughts and actions were incorrect and work to change that. For the most part the same can be said about sex offenders. Like one therapist said "We are not trying to rehabilitate these individuals, we are trying to abilitate them. Rehabilitating references restoring that person to what they were before the offense. Obviously his or her thoughts and behaviors were very wrong in the first place. What is needed now is to guide them to a safe and responsible and healthy relationship with sexual situations."
So Ok I got off track kinda... The general point is that any kind of social interaction can be very difficult when you have to factor in everyone's fears, and everyone's safety, and prejudices as well. And don't get me started on the lack of money. Its difficult for just about any ex-con to find a job, but when you make that into a sexual offense then you just might as well forget about it. Even that show "Pit-bulls and Parolees" who will give jobs to guys just getting out of prison and still on probation or parole wont higher a sex offender.
I'm not completely sure I understand her reasoning. I just don't really see that much of a difference between one convict and another. From all the reading I've done its obvious that violent offenders and drug related offenders have a much higher percentage of repeat infractions than just about any group of sex offenders. The one glaring exception are the pedophiles, but in general those people really truly are very mentally sick people. I truly do respect Tia's goals and the work she does. In fact if we EVER get to a more stable place in our lives, and have the land/ space to spare my husband and I both want to adopt one of her pit bulls, and if we can we would like to donate to her cause as well. The possibilities of opening a shelter much like her own is also not out of our thoughts. So yes in general I respect her and her cause, I just wish she was able to give everyone the same chances that she already does.
Does that sound odd? I wonder if the general populace would ever, ever think about sex offenders wanting to do good--wanting to make the world a better place. I doubt it, I very much doubt it.
But that kinda makes me want to succeed even more.
So Ok I got off track kinda... The general point is that any kind of social interaction can be very difficult when you have to factor in everyone's fears, and everyone's safety, and prejudices as well. And don't get me started on the lack of money. Its difficult for just about any ex-con to find a job, but when you make that into a sexual offense then you just might as well forget about it. Even that show "Pit-bulls and Parolees" who will give jobs to guys just getting out of prison and still on probation or parole wont higher a sex offender.
I'm not completely sure I understand her reasoning. I just don't really see that much of a difference between one convict and another. From all the reading I've done its obvious that violent offenders and drug related offenders have a much higher percentage of repeat infractions than just about any group of sex offenders. The one glaring exception are the pedophiles, but in general those people really truly are very mentally sick people. I truly do respect Tia's goals and the work she does. In fact if we EVER get to a more stable place in our lives, and have the land/ space to spare my husband and I both want to adopt one of her pit bulls, and if we can we would like to donate to her cause as well. The possibilities of opening a shelter much like her own is also not out of our thoughts. So yes in general I respect her and her cause, I just wish she was able to give everyone the same chances that she already does.
Does that sound odd? I wonder if the general populace would ever, ever think about sex offenders wanting to do good--wanting to make the world a better place. I doubt it, I very much doubt it.
But that kinda makes me want to succeed even more.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Dance Class....
Ok, so I'm posting this before I forget completely. My almost 4 yr old daughter is in dance. She loves it, and its really good for her physical delays. Last week there was not a huge snow storm, at least not my this regions standards, but a decent amount none-the-less. I did not want to drive in it so my husband drove us. He choose to wonder other shops around the school when I dropped our daughter off. Only at the time of pick up did he come into the building, and he stayed right by the door to stay out of the way of all the kid-lets and the mommas.
Well guess what we got this weekend? That's right folks! We got a call from hubby's PO. Someone recognized my poor hubby and called his PO. I'm sure the good little person thought they were alerting the officials of a probation violation or something and that the big mean dangerous man was sure to be arrested. This of course did not happen. His PO was fine with him being there, as long as I'm with him he is fine. Birthday parties, church, schools, community events its all good as long as I'm there. What a huge relief it is to be working with someone who is sane and rational.
Never the less he has decided to not go to any more of her classes because he doesn't want to be forbidden to go to her dance recital. He has been forcibly kept away from so much of his older kids lives that he just doesn't want that to happen again.
I guess I don't really have any more whining to do right now. I've been so numb recently I don't know how to describe it. Everything seems so flat and dull. I'm restless but have any ambition to do anything differently. I've got SOOO much stuff I should or could be doing but I'm just not. SIGH. I hate depression...
Well guess what we got this weekend? That's right folks! We got a call from hubby's PO. Someone recognized my poor hubby and called his PO. I'm sure the good little person thought they were alerting the officials of a probation violation or something and that the big mean dangerous man was sure to be arrested. This of course did not happen. His PO was fine with him being there, as long as I'm with him he is fine. Birthday parties, church, schools, community events its all good as long as I'm there. What a huge relief it is to be working with someone who is sane and rational.
Never the less he has decided to not go to any more of her classes because he doesn't want to be forbidden to go to her dance recital. He has been forcibly kept away from so much of his older kids lives that he just doesn't want that to happen again.
I guess I don't really have any more whining to do right now. I've been so numb recently I don't know how to describe it. Everything seems so flat and dull. I'm restless but have any ambition to do anything differently. I've got SOOO much stuff I should or could be doing but I'm just not. SIGH. I hate depression...
Friday, January 13, 2012
Big plans
We have such big plans, hopes, dreams, what ever you want to call them. Our first goal is to get some steady income coming into this house so that we can get approved for loans for our own home. We want a farm- 50 acres- or so so we can have enough space to raise Alpaca's. Alpaca's are animals kind of between a sheep and a lama, and their coats are amazingly soft, hypo allergenic, and water proof. How Kewl is that?! We are just so tired of not being able to live our lives because no one wants to hire a sex offender, or really even his wife. Admittedly my anti work issues are a little bit different. I swear I just can't get my brain back to working. I don't know if its just a general depression from losing a child or if that event triggered a condition that I had before only had the potential for. I feel so very tired, and recently I've just been so lethargic and kind of numb. I think this has been the worst angelversary for my baby yet. My therapist seems to think I'm doing better but I sure don't feel like it.
I love my husband, he is wonderful! He puts up with all my low moods, and forgetful brain farts, and scattered way my brain has been working since 2009. He says its no big deal since I put up with all the crap that his past brings with him. I think its an ok trade off. We have been practically joined at the hip since we got married. We just don't feel the need to be apart. Partly because we don't have outside jobs, and partly because its just safer for him to go places with me so that no one can accuse him of anything and there be no defense. As odd at it might sound but it is really true, making sure that he is never really alone so there can not be any room for doubt.
When I think about it, it really does take a strong relationship to survive this kind of stigma. Most families treasure their time apart so to make their time together mean more, but we are not that way. We just work really well together and after losing our daughter and almost losing me to H1N1 in 2009, we both really do understand how special each moment with each other can be.
So pursuant of this new direction, the alpacas, I have been reading up on these little creatures almost obsessively. I've learned a lot and I'm sure I have a LOT more to learn about. I've never written up a business plan, nor do I really know how to keep books for a business. Even my charity booth at the local renaissance festival, all I've ever done is run it during the season and handle the money going out and coming in. Oh and handle the staff and the prizes.
I wonder who this fact might surprise. Yep we own a booth at the local renaissance festival. I'd been managing it for years and when we got married the previous owner gifted it to us for our wedding. That is where we meet and that is where we got married as well. Its a simple kids game, with 3 games for little kids, they play until they win and everyone wins. Our goal is to make the kids feel wonderful and to make as much fun of the drunk adults as possible. And any proceeds we make go to different charities like local high school drama groups, and college clubs, or cancer research for kids threw St. Jude. Some day I want to donate to help kids get their cleft lips and pallets fixed, like our little girl had to. I'd also like to donate to the groups that are studying SIDS and SUDC as well, so that others don't have to go threw what we have. Festival is great fun but sadly just because of my husbands level the festival wont allow him on grounds, not even as a paying customer. Now mind you he has not physically offended anyone in 18 years, but that doesn't matter to anyone. He has had paper violations and issues keeping registered correctly, and although they claim that every person has been told all the rules its very hard to keep track of what is changing and what is new and it all falls on you.
I sometimes feel like its my job as his wife to help him keep out of trouble. Its just to easy to accidentally slip up and end up back in jail and with the three strikes and your out rule in our state things can get really scary really fast.
I hate this feeling. I'm so bloody tired my eyes hurt, and I know I have more reading to do for school but I kinda don't want to, I want to go to bed super early and just sleep but that's not happening until the small one is in bed and although her bed time is 8 pm, she usually is up till about 9 to 9:30 so I'm stuck for a while at least. Well I'm off to read talk to you all later.
I love my husband, he is wonderful! He puts up with all my low moods, and forgetful brain farts, and scattered way my brain has been working since 2009. He says its no big deal since I put up with all the crap that his past brings with him. I think its an ok trade off. We have been practically joined at the hip since we got married. We just don't feel the need to be apart. Partly because we don't have outside jobs, and partly because its just safer for him to go places with me so that no one can accuse him of anything and there be no defense. As odd at it might sound but it is really true, making sure that he is never really alone so there can not be any room for doubt.
When I think about it, it really does take a strong relationship to survive this kind of stigma. Most families treasure their time apart so to make their time together mean more, but we are not that way. We just work really well together and after losing our daughter and almost losing me to H1N1 in 2009, we both really do understand how special each moment with each other can be.
So pursuant of this new direction, the alpacas, I have been reading up on these little creatures almost obsessively. I've learned a lot and I'm sure I have a LOT more to learn about. I've never written up a business plan, nor do I really know how to keep books for a business. Even my charity booth at the local renaissance festival, all I've ever done is run it during the season and handle the money going out and coming in. Oh and handle the staff and the prizes.
I wonder who this fact might surprise. Yep we own a booth at the local renaissance festival. I'd been managing it for years and when we got married the previous owner gifted it to us for our wedding. That is where we meet and that is where we got married as well. Its a simple kids game, with 3 games for little kids, they play until they win and everyone wins. Our goal is to make the kids feel wonderful and to make as much fun of the drunk adults as possible. And any proceeds we make go to different charities like local high school drama groups, and college clubs, or cancer research for kids threw St. Jude. Some day I want to donate to help kids get their cleft lips and pallets fixed, like our little girl had to. I'd also like to donate to the groups that are studying SIDS and SUDC as well, so that others don't have to go threw what we have. Festival is great fun but sadly just because of my husbands level the festival wont allow him on grounds, not even as a paying customer. Now mind you he has not physically offended anyone in 18 years, but that doesn't matter to anyone. He has had paper violations and issues keeping registered correctly, and although they claim that every person has been told all the rules its very hard to keep track of what is changing and what is new and it all falls on you.
I sometimes feel like its my job as his wife to help him keep out of trouble. Its just to easy to accidentally slip up and end up back in jail and with the three strikes and your out rule in our state things can get really scary really fast.
I hate this feeling. I'm so bloody tired my eyes hurt, and I know I have more reading to do for school but I kinda don't want to, I want to go to bed super early and just sleep but that's not happening until the small one is in bed and although her bed time is 8 pm, she usually is up till about 9 to 9:30 so I'm stuck for a while at least. Well I'm off to read talk to you all later.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Report for my schooling
Sex-Offender Laws are Ineffective and Damaging
Current sex offender laws are harmful to the immediate and extended family of the sex-offender. There needs to be changes made to these laws to protect family members and children from vigilantism style justice. This type of retaliation has been a growing concern as the sex-offender registry and notification process. In fact over 190 people who have been accused or convicted of a sex crime have been murdered, and 40% of sex-offenders listed on the registry and their family members have experienced some form of vigilantism even though the public is told not to do so at the notification meetings (19). Society needs to help sex offenders re-enter society by abolishing laws which make it difficult for sex offenders to find locations to live and means to support themselves and their families including their own children. Communities need to stop operating from a basis of fear and move to one of education and support including aid in finding suitable housing, employment and effective psychological treatment both before and after release from correctional institutions.
The impacts these laws have on the people of a community are dramatic, and predominantly negative. The mental health of a community often hinges on its collective sense of safety and security, however many people report feeling a loss of security and safety when they learn that a sex offender has moved into their neighborhood. The people who feel the safest are the people who do not have known sex offenders in their neighborhood but they appreciate the ability to know where sex offenders live outside of their communities. In fact most communities indicate that they do feel safer with the restrictions placed on sex offenders, but feeling safer and being safer are two different things. In an article written by Sarah W. Craun from the University of Tennessee, she notes that a study was done to survey communities that have sex-offenders living in them and to see what percentage of residents were aware of or heard of a person in his or her community that had been charged with or convicted of a sexual offence. The study found that 32% of residents that lived within 1/10 of a mile were aware of the presence of a sexual offender. Furthermore that same study found that only 2% of residents that live within a mile of a registered offender were aware of that individual. (4)
Even with this relatively small amount of a community being aware of a person with this in his or her background there are many hardships that the sex offender and his or her family face daily. Suitable and legal housing is one of the major issues almost every sex-offender faces. Many states have laws that limit a sex offender from living near schools, playgrounds, video arcades, and parks (20). This inability to secure housing thrusts sex-offenders into a state of disorganization. Even when sex-offenders do find suitable housing it is often in the more disorganized areas of the community. Gwenda Willis and Randolph Grace from the University of Canterbury, New Zealand report that the absence of a place to live was “significantly related to sexual recidivism.” (18). The best way to help prevent recidivism is to help sex-offenders find stable living conditions and employment. Candace Kruttschnitt and Christopher Uggen from the University of Minnesota studied over 500 sex-offenders that were on probation, and they could see a significant difference when the sex-offender had some stability in their lives. (18) It would appear that giving a sex-offender a job would be in everyone’s best interest, the community and the sex-offender him or her, but the stigma that employers face often push them to avoid hiring sex-offenders. With the economy in such a down trend sex-offenders are finding it harder and harder to find acceptable work. Most sex-offenders are apprehensive about telling potential employers about their criminal background because the judgments are so intense. Most sex-offenders do not even bother trying to apply to work places that would them in contact with vulnerable persons. Many sex-offenders find themselves abruptly fired when the community suddenly remembers who he or she is, even if the sex-offender was honest and told his or her employer about his or her past at the time of hiring (18). Worse yet is the fact that there is no regulations set in place that prevent an employer from releasing a worked because of being a sex-offender. When lawyers are questioned about the legality of the unwarranted firing, they tell the sex-offender that their situation is not a protected group. Just another stressor added to a life already filled with a certain amount of fear and instability. Fear and instability are not good foundations to build a future or rebuild a life on. This epidemic has gotten so bad that some are saying that sex-offenders should just automatically be put on Social Security Disability because there is no work for them. Studies have shown that this lack of employment can actually push an offender to reoffend with the sole reason being that at least when he or she is in prison there are no worries about food, shelter, and bills. The Minnesota Department of Corrections (DOC) has been conducting regular studies to track the effectiveness and results regarding the sexual registration process and the findings have been contrary to what the media typically reports. “Research has demonstrated, for example, that notification produces a number of collateral consequences for offenders, including isolation, harassment, and making it difficult to secure and maintain housing and employment…. research on stakeholders indicates that while law enforcement generally supports notification and believes it to be effective, sex offender treatment providers tend to have an opposite view, doubting its efficacy in reducing sex offender recidivism.”
Perhaps a sex-offender would be able to cope with these issues if he or she had a stable home life, but that is rare as well. In fact according to a study done by the Minnesota DOC regarding prisoner visitation, the more support an offender has (e.g. the more people who came to visit the prisoner while he or she was in prison) significantly decreases the likelihood that individual was to recidivate; 13% less to recidivate, 25% less likely to be reincarcerated for a technical violation (27). An example of a “technical violation” is when a Minnesotan family planned to move from an apartment in Minneapolis to a home in one of the outer suburbs. This family included a level three sex-offender whose offence had been 16 years before, with no further assaults to a person, but two issues with correctly registering. They contacted the sex-offenders probation officer two months before the planned move. The sex-offender’s probation officer said “great! I’ll send you the paperwork.” In the confusion of moving with infant twin daughters this family never opened the letter from the probation officer and simply filed it away with the other documents, and proceeded to move into their new home. The very next day the sex-offender went to visit his probation officer for his monthly check in. He was glad to tell her that the move had gone well. She then asked him why he had not signed and returned the paperwork for the move. Frightened he asked her what to do. She said no problem lets just get everything filled out and signed now. Unfortunately since the statutes regarding a level three sex-offender moving requires a five day waiting period before the move; this gentleman was now six days late. The new county he had moved into decided that was a “serious breach of the rules” and proceeded to charge him with a FTR. For level three sex-offenders a FTR is not a misdemeanor, it is considered another felony. The man was charged and convicted and given five more years of probation because it was a “technical” FTR. In no way did this gentleman intend to deceive either county. He was the first level three that county had ever had, and the woman assigned to be his probation officer was fierce in her zeal to perform her job. She made weekly check-ins, restricted where he could go during his truck driving job, and attempted to violate him twice in one year. Her vigor “keep him in line” became so aggressive she actually gave the wife an anxiety disorder and triggered panic attacks whenever she called or stopped by. This family wanted nothing more than to live their lives as peacefully as possible. Sadly that was impossible, they lost the house because the business the husband worked for had to close because of the economy, and no one else would hire him. In the following months, one of their twin daughters passed away suddenly. His poor wife was not able to go back to work because of a nervous breakdown. They eventually became homeless staying with friends for short times and then moving on but having to live separately because there was no room, no money and no work. They still don’t understand why the communities have to be so extreme and cruel, and although they collectively do understand the principles behind the registration regulations, they do not feel that these rules are in anyway fair or helpful. (30)
One survey, performed by a Ms. Levenson discovered that 86% of family members of sex-offenders felt a large amount of stress because of the registration process, and the residency rules. In addition to this 49% of these family members fear for their own safety because of the public notifications and publicity that the town meetings stir up (18). Family members have also found it difficult to find employment because of their association with the sex-offender.
Other aspects of family life can be very difficult as well. One sex-offender named Bill said “It’s very difficult. Pretty much all the things that you a good father are now illegal for me to do.” He is not aloud to take his children to the park or a pool in the summer. He is not able to attend events at his children’s schools, and he can see how his children are often ostracized (18). Schools now have to deal with the added pressure of bullying of sex-offender’s children. One out of five registrants has reported harassment of some kind, and one out of eight has reported harassment of their children. There is simply no place to turn to find solace, especially since four out of ten sex-offenders have even been harassed at church! (18). If a sex-offender is lucky the church will attempt to make compromises. One church in Norwood Young America MN was willing to allow a level three sex-offender to attend church. Their provisions, so that the people of the church would feel safe required the sex-offender to have a “chaperone” with him at all times, even though his wife was a certified supervisor. This same gentlemen was asked not to return to the church of his youth when someone remembered who he was and what he had done over 18 years before; some how this is just not right. If people should be accepted anywhere it should be at church.
It is hard to understand just how deep these sanctions can cut a family; everything changes. Holidays are no longer the same, birthdays and school outings are difficult if not out right banned. Children do not understand why their mommy or daddy is not coming to their choir concert or soccer game, they only feel left out and abandoned. When parents try to explain what happened or why the parents have to walk a fine line of telling the truth and telling to much. One way to try to keep these family events as normal as possible is to have authorized supervisors available to be present in these situations. The DOC in Minnesota has found that the larger any offender’s social support system is the lower the risk for recidivism (27). Many professionals that work with sex offenders have already made the correlation between social support and successful rehabilitation. There are classes available for supervisor training in many states. In Minneapolis MN there is a group called Project Pathfinders, and individuals can choose to attend a class and be certified to be a supervisor providing the probation officer is amiable to that solution (28). Many probation officers are unwilling to allow certain sex-offenders to have family or friend supervisors, choosing to maintain as much control over the person as possible. In one case a Minnesota man had his finance, her father, stepmother, mother, and stepfather and a number of friends all willing to pay for the classes, $45 each, in an attempt to make life easier for the gentleman and his family. Support like this is rare and should be encouraged and treasured but his probation officer refused to allow anyone to do so. Only his fiancé who was the mother of his infant twin girls was aloud to be categorized as a supervisor, only after this family went in front of a judge was everything approved and set up.
There are hundreds of stories like this one. The discrimination that sex-offenders face is can be outrageous. Sadly the ones who get the worst of the discrimination and bullying are the children of the sex offenders. A website; www.reformesexoffenderlaws.com; has a large amount of information regarding the sex offender laws and how they impact communities as well as the friends, and family of sex-offenders. In the section called “Tales From the Registry” are hundreds of people’s stories about things that have happened to them or their family because of the ways that sexual offences and past offenders have been handled. In this section a child of a sex offender shares some experiences about living with a parent who is a sex-offender.
“Nov 15, 2011
…I wake up every day wondering how many signs may be on our front lawn. How many people are going to ride by our house and point and take pictures? How many people are going to watch every move we make today? How many times are people going to call the police because my parent has done something, which for an average person would be normal but because they know a Sex Offender lives here, that activity with their child looks suspicious?
How many more birthdays will be with just family because parents will not let their kids come to my party. How many parties will I not be invited to? How many more games will my parent not be allowed to watch me play? How many field trips will I not attend because it is too hard to listen to the whispers of the parents?
Are we gonna have to move again because my parent cannot find a job to pay for rent? Are we gonna have to stay in the car again; because it is hard to find a place to live, because our government has decided we are Prohibited to live in Low Income Housing???? How many YEARS am I gonna have to watch my parent cry with frustration because they can't provide even the simplest life for our family.
Why is it everyone wants to protect children but NO ONE thinks about me or kids in the same situation as me?? Can anyone answer that question??? Why do we not count?…I cannot give you my real name as I fear it would put us in more danger, so I will give you a name for the life I wish I had.
Thank you for listening,
Living Free”
In an interview with a Minnesotan teen whose parent is a level three sex-offender a high school student recounts some of the discriminations she and her brother faced during their school years. Every time her father moved and was publicized she was taunted and teased by her peers. One horrible boy once asked her how she liked her serving of incest for Thanksgiving (30). The children of this sex-offender have lived with this discrimination their entire lives and their relationship with their father has suffered from it. He is more stable and diligently working to rebuild his relationships with his children, but the notifications still put stress on that fragile bond. During his latest move town’s people slashed his tired four different times. People who live on welfare because of lack of employment can not afford those kinds of repairs.
So exactly what are these laws that have turned so many people’s live upside-down, and how did they come into effect? In Minnesota there are five levels of sexual assault; first degree, second degree, third degree, fourth degree, and fifth degree. All of these have different requirements that must be met in order for a person to be charged with one or more of these degrees. All degrees of sexual assault have certain statutes in common. If the victim is under 13-years-old and the offender is more than 36 months. If the victim is between the ages of 13 and 16-years-old and the offender is more than 48 months older, and is in any position of authority even if the act it is consensual. Other factors are if the victim was fearful of extreme harm being inflicted on them, if the offender has a weapon, and or if the offender verbally threatens the victim. The relationship between the individuals is also taken into account. If the offender is in a position of authority e.g. boss and employee, brother and sister, parent and child, or between close family members help to determine the levels. First degree requires sexual penetration with another person. If the offender has accomplices that aid in forcing or coercing the victim all denote the offence to be that of a first degree.(24) Second degree criminal sexual assault or conduct does not need to include penetration, but it does include other sexual contact. In this situation sexual contact is defined as touching of genital area, breast, inner thigh, or buttocks in a sexual manner either over or under clothing.
Third degree sexual assault contains all the same requirements as first and second regarding age and authoritative position. However this level is defined by the act of penetration generally of the anal or genital openings and focus on digital (fingers) and oral (mouth) penetration. Fourth degree sexual misconduct is when a person engages in sexual contact with another person when any of the previous age, relationship, or interactions comes into play. Fifth degree criminal sexual conduct is when a person engages in nonconsensual sexual contact or if the offender engages in masturbation or lewd displaying of the genitals in the presence of a minor. In this case sexual contact does not include the intentional touching of clothing that covers the intimate areas of the body; buttocks and breasts. This also includes attempting to remove the victims clothing and forcing the victim to touch the offender’s intimate bodily areas. (24) Legal papers and language can often be confusing below is a list of some of the most common terms used in sexual crimes:
Sodomy= anal intercourse and commonly used as a generic classification which includes bestiality (intercourse with animals), fellatio (oral sex performed on a man), cunnilingus (oral sex performed on a female)(23).
Non-Forcible sex offences=is sexual conduct with people that the law assumes are not capable of giving consent; underage, physically helpless, and the mentally incompetent.
Indecent Exposure=the intentional exposure of one’s genitals to unwilling viewers for one’s own sexual pleasure.
Incest= sexual intercourse with a close relative.
Knowledge of the actual statutes regarding sexual assaults or offences gives a deeper understanding of exactly what a person can be charged with, notice that the parameters are not exclusively operating in terms of just small children, and yet most of the laws or statutes for sex offenders focus on “protecting children.” Almost every state has some statutes regarding where a registered sex-offender is aloud to live and all of them revolve around places where children often visit (20). The trouble with these stautes is that not every released sex-offender is interested in small children (26). This misconception is just one of a series of public fallacies.
Sexual abuse and crimes are not new, what is new is the acknowledgement and openness about this topic that has developed since the sexual revolution in the 1960s and 1970s. In 1990 Congress responded to an “alarming increase” of reported child abuse cases with a bill called the Victims of Child Abuse Act, 42 U.S.C.A. §§ 13001 et. seq. which made it mandatory that all professionals that work with children to report any suspected cases of abuse.(23) This statute also set up some ground rules for children as witnesses in court cases. As legislation became more acquainted with these abusive situations more and more laws and statutes have been put in place in an attempt to protect society and children in particular. There have been a few well publicized and horrific child abuse, abduction, rape, and murder cases that have garnered a great deal of media attention and have dramatically shaped the creation of sexual offence laws as well as the way that law enforcement handles these situations.
One of the first cases that made headline news was Jacob Wetterling (Feb. 17, 1978-?) was abducted from his small Minnesota town of St. Joseph on October 22, 1989. Despite massive search and rescue attempts and countless man hours there has been no sign of Jacob. This situation prompted the creation of the Jacob Wetterling Crimes Against Children and Sexually Violent Offender Act, 42 U.S.C §§14071, et seq. This act required convicted sex offenders to register their addresses with their local law enforcement offices. Thus the sex-offender registry was born. Soon society and the law makers decided that registration alone was not effective enough. When 7-year-old Megan Kanka was raped and murdered by a sex offender who was living on her street the public with wild. Suddenly communities wanted to know if a sex offender was released into their neighborhoods. Megan’s parents claimed that had they known about the sex-offender living down the street from them, they would have been more watchful of that person and perhaps saved the life of their daughter. The law termed “Megan’s Law” was passed in 1996 without so much of a minor protest. However the law was written so that each state could make its own rules regarding this topic, and the lack of cohesion resulted in thousands of “lost” sex-offenders. (22) In an attempt to resolve this problem the U. S. Congress amended the Adam Walsh Act to include the “Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act in July 2006. This law set specific standards regarding registration requirements for sex offenders in all states, as well as requiring states to release to the public specific information regarding sex-offenders, and to a publicly-accessible website that provides information about known sex-offenders in the state. (22)(11)
Megan's Law struck out on every important area related to protecting the community from sexual offenders. Not only is there no evidence that it reduces sexual re-offenses, Megan's Law fails to positively impact sex offender re-arrest rates, fails to change the type of re-offenses or first time offenses that occur and fails to reduce the number of victims involved in sexual offenses. As the state agency charged with representing those required registering under Megan's Law, the Public Defender agrees completely with the study's findings and with its ultimate conclusion that "The lack of demonstrable effect of Megan's Law on sexual offenses, the growing costs may not be justifiable." (12)
The media plays no small part in this problem. Statistics that are used are often miss-used. The U.S. Bureau of Justice did a statistics study ("Recidivism of Sex Offenders Released from Prison in 1994"), that found out that only 5% of sex-offenders reoffended within the first 3 years after his or her release. If the news media is to be believed, sex-offenders have the highest rate of recidivism of all criminals, but this is not true. In a study done in 2003 the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension (BCA) reported that recidivism rates for sex-offences is not unusually high with only 3.3% of released child molesters were later arrested for a similar crime (15). Most of the fear and panic regarding sex-offenders comes from the media. The rare but high-profile cases are key players in enacting this amount of fear in reaction to sexual offences and sex-offenders (15). One law office in Minnesota, Rosengren Kohlmeyer Office, has been quoted saying “The (sex-offender) registry is a gold mine for lazy journalists.” (17) Popular television shows like “Law and Order SVU (special victims unit)”, “Criminal Minds” and “Dateline NBC’s” show “To Catch a Predator” with Chris Hansen gives the illusion that this situation is progressively getting worse, as if it were “a national epidemic.” (15) Many typical citizens do not know what the restrictions are for any given sex-offender. They only know what they have seen on television, where sex-offenders are not aloud to live in “normal housing,” and are just “given jobs” when they are released from prison. In fact most states do not have these programs set in place, so when a sex-offender does live in an area the community assumes that, that person’s restrictions are just like those on the shows. When they see a known sex-offender doing something that the shows say a sex-offender can not do they may needlessly call the police on that individual. Another misconception is that a sex-offender is required to register for X amount of years, then that means that the SO is on probation for that entire time. This is not true. Probation and Intensive Supervised Release are very different from just being on the registry. When a sex-offender is off probation but still on the registry that person needs to have his or her photograph taken every 6 months at the local police department. He or she also has to inform the BCA and local police department whenever he or she moves, or changes employment. Failure to do so results in a charge of Failure to Register, (FTR). FTR is the main offence that a sex-offender commits after release from prison. Sadly media outlets tend to take this statistic and make it sound as if all sex-offenders are out in the world just waiting or children to pounce on. In reality sexual offences are not the main crimes committed against children. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, “the danger is to children is greater from someone they or their family knows than from a stranger. (15) This particular misconception only spurs unnecessary panic about sex-offenders and distracts the populace from the larger danger to children; that of parental abuse and neglect. This site stresses that most sex offenses happen in the family or the inner circle of the child (15).
America is not the first country to have a registry for sex offenders and it appears that not many of the world’s countries are willing to follow the United States of America’s example. Particularly since the United Nations Survey of Crime Trends in the industrialized countries show that women in the United States are more than twice as likely to be raped than in Sweden, and Denmark; three times more likely to be raped than in Germany and five times more likely to be raped than women in England (16).
Morally the sex-offender laws run a very close line between what is morally right and morally wrong. History is riddled with similar types of punishments; however, most of those punishments have long been abandoned as cruel and unusual. In the past people have been forced to wear a badge to declare who and what, they are or did; both in the puritan times, in New England during the Salem Witch Trials as well as the Jews in pre World War II Germany. Some of the current legal suggestions for monitoring sex offenders are just newer versions of these degrading and demoralizing laws. Some law makers have suggested tattoos across a person’s forehead, (reminds me of the tattoos the Jews in the concentration camps suffered) some suggest special license plates, or driver’s licenses, or continual electronic GPS monitoring. The financial cost of that is astronomical, with a daily bill of upwards to $80’s. Sex offenders will never be able to pay that because of the employment issues. If teachers are forbidden to use public shaming and humiliation forms of discipline because of the social trauma inflicted on the child, why then is the government aloud to impose this kind of trauma on a sex-offender who has completed treatment and their family (17).
Many people working to change these laws claim that the 8th Amendment to the Constitution outlaws Cruel and Unusual Punishments, and that, the registry and its shamming policies do just that. The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers does not believe that offender registries are working. In fact they believe that it is having the opposite affect. There is a registry growth rate of about 8% per year. Thus the conclusion of the ATSA is that the registries seem to be putting more children at risk because communities focus too much on the known offender and forget to be watchful of the unknown offenders (16). In a Minnesotan study done in 2008, 224 sex-offenders were analyzed to see if residency restrictions had any effect on future offences. The criteria used in this study were:
- "Offenders had to establish direct contact with the victims rather than gaining access to a victim through a relationship with another person (girlfriend, fiancée, wife, acquaintance);
- Contact with the victim had to occur within at least one mile of the offender's residence at the time of offense;
- The location of the initial contact with a victim had to have been near a school, park, daycare center, or other prohibited area; and
- Contact with the victim had to occur within at least one mile of the offender's residence at the time of offense;
- The location of the initial contact with a victim had to have been near a school, park, daycare center, or other prohibited area; and
- - The victim had to have been under 18 years of age when the occurred."
Surprisingly there was not one single case where the restrictions would have prevented an offence.(17) To quote Michael Buncher, from the Office of the Public Defender in charge of the Special Hearings Unit; “ These sanctions implemented by the moral panic of the country really have little influence on actually deterring sexual crimes when treatment does work then the registry and notification process unduly subjects the sex offender and their family to the social shaming process that can actually push the offenders involved into re-offending and their families into all kinds of chaos.” In fact most sex offenders that have been interviewed believe that being placed on the registry does little to deter offenders from re-offending. (6) Long story short treatment for sex-offenders can and does work, when the individual wants to change, but the registry is a broken system that superficially makes the community think it is safer. If people are not careful there soon may be registries for all types of crimes, DUI’s, Drug Dealers, Murderers, and Domestic Violence offenders could well be the next group to be publically humiliated in the name of safety (16).
Works Cited
1. Holcombe, Hunter. "California bill targets sex offenders." Massage Magazine 117 (2005): 142-143. Alt HealthWatch. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011.
This is an article telling about how new laws in California are making life more difficult for Sex Offenders in California.
2. Ackerman, Joy. "Art therapy intervention designed to increase self-esteem of an incarcerated pedophile." American Journal of Art Therapy 30.4 (1992): 143. Alt HealthWath. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011.
Joy Ackerman explores different methods of therapy for sex offenders in an effort to aid in rehabilitation.
3. Schmitz, Anthony. "A shot in the dark." Health (Time Inc. Health) 7.1 (1993): 22. Alt HealthWatch. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011
This is an article that explains the uneducated policies used to control sex offenders.
4. Craun, Sarah W. "Evaluating Awareness of Registered Sex Offenders in the Neighborhood." Crime & Delinquency 56.3 (2010): 414-435. ERIC. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011.
This article goes into detail about a study done to see if communities were accurately aware of registered sex offenders, or persons who had been charged with a sexual offence lived in their area. The study found that 32% of people who lived within 1/10 of a mile knew of or thought they knew of a sex-offender, whereas only 2% of people who lived with in a mile of this same individual knew of the person. Showing that the notifications do not always reach an entire community, of coarse the size of the community does significantly influence these results.
5. Rasmussen, Lucinda A. "A Commentary on the Michigan Sex Offender Registration Article." Journal of Child Sexual Abuse 19.2 (2010): 234-237. ERIC. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011.
This talks about situations where a child is put on the sex-offender registry.
6. Middleton, David, Rebecca Mandeville-Norden, and Elizabeth Hayes. "Does Treatment Work with Internet Sex Offenders? Emerging Findings from the Internet Sex Offender Treatment Program (i-SOTP)." Journal of Sexual Aggression 15.1 (2009): 5-19. ERIC. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011.This article discusses the motivations behind sexual assaults and aggression.
7. Kernsmith, Poco D., Sarah W. Craun, and Jonathan Foster. "Public Attitudes toward Sexual Offenders and Sex Offender Registration." Journal of Child Sexual Abuse 18.3 (2009): 290-301. ERIC. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011.
8. Berkowitz, Carol D. "Sex Offender Registration: Balancing the Rights of the Individual with the Public Good--A Commentary on Comartin, Kernsmith, and Miles (2010)." Journal of Child Sexual Abuse 19.2 (2010): 226-230. ERIC. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011
This article looks at the balance between the communities rights to know who lives in the area, and the individual person’s own privacy.
9. Stow, Shelly ReformSexOffenderLaws.com, Tails from the Registry--A not so Fairy Tale (Sep 21, 2011) http://www.reformsexoffenderlaws.org/tales.php?id=8
This is a personal account of living with the sex-offender registration rules.
10. Comartin, Erin B., Poco D. Kernsmith, and Roger M. Kernsmith. "Sanctions for Sex Offenders: Fear and Public Policy." Journal of Offender Rehabilitation 48.7 (2009): 605-619. ERIC. EBSCO. Web. 22 Sept. 2011.
This is a study that attempts to see the consequences of the publication process.
11. Love Our Children USA, Public Awareness and Advocacy http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/pubawareness_stopsexoffenders.php
This is a group of people who are actively working to keep every child safe. This website contains some extreme views that are not supported by recent study and research.
12. Benjamin Radford “Scandals Reveal Sex Offender Laws’ Limits” Discovery News ….learned a rainbow Dec. 6, 2011 http://news.discovery.com/human/abuse-scandals-offender-laws-111206.htmlThis web site tries to reveal issues that are reported incorrectly about sex-offenders.
13. Ashby Jones, Protection or Punishment? Wall Street Journal, New Sex-Offender Laws Prompting Questions, April 7, 2011; http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2011/04/07/protection-or-punishment-new-sex-offender-laws-prompting-questions/
This is a look into what can be called protection and what is punishment when dealing with a vulnerable populace and a criminal who has completed treatment and time served.
14.
Predator Panic: “Reality Check on Sex Offenders”
This article describes how the media has over exaggerated the danger of sex offenders, and has falsified the reported re-offence rate.
16. Ted’s Space Lora, Given at the “Silent No More” rally in Columbus, Ohio - December 1, 2007 http://tgsalas.wordpress.com/2011/04/09/sex-offender-laws-unconstitutional/#comment-34
This is a blog spot for a sex offender to write about his troubles in life. In the second posting he posted a speech made at the Silent no more rally in Columbus OH in 2007. It give good insight on how sex offenders and their families deal with “being on the registry.”
17. Rosengren Kohlmeyer Law Office, 
Minnesota Residency Restrictions for Sex Offenders, Denverpost.com, December 9, 2011; http://finance.denverpost.com/mng-denver.denverpost/news/read?GUID=20155844
Minnesota Residency Restrictions for Sex Offenders, Denverpost.com, December 9, 2011; http://finance.denverpost.com/mng-denver.denverpost/news/read?GUID=20155844This article reports on a study done in Minnesota to see if the registry process and residency restrictions do not impact the cases of re-offending.
18. Harlem, Georgia, Unjust and ineffective America has pioneered the harsh punishment of sex offenders. Does it work?, The Economist; August 6, 2009 http://www.economist.com/node/14164614
19. Derek "The Fallen One" Logue, THE STOP VIGILANTE VIOLENCE AND WEBSITES ACT OF 2010; Once Fallen, February 9, 2009, amended November 2009, http://www.oncefallen.com/antivigilantebill.html
This is a web site that is run by a sex offender who is trying to improve the structure and situations of sex offenders and their families. He speaks from a first hand knowledge about how difficult it is to live with the stigma of being a sex offender.
20. Wetterling, Patty; No Easy Answers, Human Rights Watch 2007 Pg. 139-140 http://www.hrw.org/sites/default/files/reports/us0907webwcover.pdf
This is a book written by Patty Wetterling, mother to Jacob Wetterling who disappeared when he was 11 years old. This book covers many topics including what each state requires of persons on the registry as well as reports on recent studies and what the findings mean and how they can effect the policies of today and tomorrow.
21. Stow, Shelly ReformSexOffenderLaws.com, Tails from the Registry--Life as a Child of a Sex Offender (Nov. 15, 2011) http://www.reformsexoffenderlaws.org/tales.php?id=27
This web site has a number of stories about individual’s experiences when dealing with the effects on daily life that the current sex-offender laws produce. On this page is a letter from a child of a sex offender about his or her experiences. This letter epitomizes the troubled issues that sex-offenders and their families are facing every day of their lives. Yes this letter does invoke a large amount of pathos, but one must remember that it is never easy for a child to watch their parent cry. Nor is it easy for a child to be punished and ostracized for actions they did not commit, and many times either were too young to remember when it did happen or sometimes before they were even born.
22. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children; Sex Offenders: History, 2011; http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=3032
This is a wonderful website that gives a lot of information regarding many topics effecting youth and their parents. Included in this information is the history of sex offender laws, and the links to look up the sex offenders in any area. Typically only level III offenders are listed on the web sites. An important fact to remember before assuming your neighborhood is sex offender free.
23. Law Brain, Sex Offences; 4 March 2010; http://lawbrain.com/wiki/Sex_Offenses
This is a useful site to look up definitions and explanations on exactly what sexual assaults or offences legally are.
24. Maury D. Beaulier , All Good Lawyers Resource Directory; Minnesota's Criminal Sexual Offense Statutes, 4/3/2008, http://www.allgoodlawyers.com/guestbookview.asp?key=1040
An interesting site to see exactly what constitutes different sexual crimes in Minnesota.
25. Megan’s Law in Minnesota: The Impact of Community Notification on Sex Offender Recidivism; May 2008; http://www.doc.state.mn.us/publications/publications.htm#so
26. DeMichele, Matthew; Payne Brian K.; Button, Deeanna M.; Electronic Monitoring of Sex Offenders: Identifying Unanticipated Consequences and Implications. Probation and Parole pg. 119-135; 129
This article is the results of a study to see if electronic monitoring is helpful in the management of sex offenders. It also gives some interesting incite on the actual situations and statistics of sex offender re offences.
27. MINNESOTA DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS; The Effects of Prison Visitation on Offender Recidivism (November 2011) Key Findings
This report details how support of a sex offender can significantly and positively impact the sex offender and likelihood of re-offending after release.
28. Project Pathfinders; 1821 University Ave. W. Suite N385 • St. Paul, MN 55104 • 651.644.8515; http://projectpathfinder.org/
This is a group in St. Paul MN, which works with sex-offenders after they are released from prison or in some cases before a sex-offender ends up in prison. This group offers classes for people who want to be supervisors for sex-offenders so that the SO can begin to reintegrate into society and family life. They acknowledge the premise that a strong support system is crucial for a successful and healthy progression.
29. MINNESOTA DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS; The Effects of Failure to Registeron Sex Offender Recidivism; (March 2010); http://www.doc.state.mn.us/publications/documents/03-10FailuretoRegisterstudy.pdf
In this report the DOC investigated how the registry affects the sex-offenders and what its effects on the reoffending. It found that as the registry requirements and repercussions tightened the more sex-offenders were likely to violate said rules. They found that the less educated and lower income individuals were the ones most effected and likely to face this type of offence.
30. Seither-Keast, Melissa L.; Personal interview/information (2011) Eveleth MN
These are some of my own personal experiences and opinions.
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