Me
just Me
Friday, June 19, 2015
So here is a new chapter to my story... and here is how this stupid registry has been effecting my family... My husband slept with a 15 almost 16 yr old 20 yrs ago. He has served his time, he has gone threw all his therapy and I've even taken the classes to be a sex offender supervisor. He is off of probation, but has to register until 2025, when our daughter will be 19. We really don't care about registering its no big deal to fill out the paperwork and have a picture taken every 6 months etc, BUT our daughter is the one getting the flack from it all. She can't play with kids in the neighborhood because of my husbands past. She plays with kids for weeks on end and then someone tells the family about his past and she suddenly gets rejected and expelled from that group of kids. She never knows why, she doesn't understand why people don't want her to be around. We are afraid to move because we will be published again and then the families at school will know about her dad and she wont have any friends there either. We switched her from one school to another just to get her out of the school in our town in hopes of her being able to find friends but we fear that the information will be leaked and will hurt her more. We've gone to school systems and gotten approval for him to be on grounds as long as he follows certain rules and stays with me.. but the thing is that they always say that the school will have to send out a letter to ALL the parents in the school to let them know that a sex offender will be on the grounds, which will again put our daughter in the line of fire. THIS IS NOT FAIR!!! IT IS NOT MY CHILD'S FAULT MY HUSBAND MADE A MISTAKE 20 YEARS AGO. This registry and publication only hurts the families...
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Can I talk to you I'm kinda going thru the same thing please I really need someone to talk to
ReplyDeleteI am always available to talk. Just msg me here or email me directly my email is attached to this blog.
DeleteIm also the wife of a sex offender - my daughter starts preschool in the fall and im terrified she'll be rejected by children because of the parents finding out my husband's past. People prech forgiveness but dont practice it, and your always judged by your title no one wants to hear your story
ReplyDeleteSo far for us we have found that keeping some distance between where we live and where our daughter goes to school helps. People in town know who her dad is and they can be very mean about it but people a town over or so may know of her dad but don't always connect HER with HIM.. and we don't push him being involved in anything school related ,unless we want him in on meetings and then its skype like or speaker phone like stuff... that way the school never has to tell everyone about him, and he is never near the school.
DeleteHello, I would like to talk wkth you about this whole situation of possible. My fiance just started probation and must register as a sex offender because a girl that was harassing him who was a minor didn't want to get in trouble. Our PO hates us and does not want me to be a chaperone because of my anxiety and dperession. I feel like I'm being discrimanted against for a mental illness and its hard enough as it is dealing with everything. His PO won't let him go anywhere. Does it get better after probation?
DeleteHello, I would like to talk wkth you about this whole situation of possible. My fiance just started probation and must register as a sex offender because a girl that was harassing him who was a minor didn't want to get in trouble. Our PO hates us and does not want me to be a chaperone because of my anxiety and dperession. I feel like I'm being discrimanted against for a mental illness and its hard enough as it is dealing with everything. His PO won't let him go anywhere. Does it get better after probation?
DeleteIm on the same situation. My husband is a RSO and we always get harassed by other people. I feel so bad for him because he is such a good person, amazing husband, and a wonderful dad to our son and knowing that he will never be part of his school activities hurts me. His ex wife made up some lies to get him locked up and to get full custody of their kids and now he has to live with it for the rest of his life.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the only woman going through this... My kids where taking from me by the state because my husband has to register from something 15 yrs ago... It's crazy no relief
ReplyDeleteYes it is... Every other person who commits a crime is allowed to move on after they have served their time, had their therapy etc.. but not our husbands.. I've been lucky that we had TWO good PO's before he got off of probation. The first put into writing that he was no threat to our twins, and that I'm a suitable supervisor.... then we had a horriable one and I went to supervisor training just in case she lost her head... and I got a judge to formally approve me... then we got another good one and he realized that we are boring and never do anything so he just checked in once a month, and encouraged us to get my husbands level lowered.. but laws wont allow it...
ReplyDeleteI would like to talk to you by email if all possible I am pretty much going threw the same thing also.
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ReplyDeleteHi ladies, my fiance' is a RSO, level 1 he was in a consensual relationship with a girl who was 16 and he was 18, the mother was on some vindictive mess and got him charged he didn't know any better (how the conviction of sex offender) would affect his life so he took the deal the police gave him at the time. He didn't have any real guidance, so now he has to register for that which happened 15-16 years ago. I came here for support and to know what other's lives who may be going thru the same thing is like. I came to give support as well. He already has two kids and I often think what my future children will have to go thru. But one thing I know is that with God all things are possible. People may not be so forgiving, but God is and I know this will not hold us back. I hope thru it all, the wives stay encouraged and know God will see you thru just keep the faith.
ReplyDeleteI'm going thru the exact ordeal you have been dealt with your husband.
DeleteI'm going thru the exact ordeal you have been dealt with your husband.
DeleteHi ladies, my fiance' is a RSO, level 1 he was in a consensual relationship with a girl who was 16 and he was 18, the mother was on some vindictive mess and got him charged he didn't know any better (how the conviction of sex offender) would affect his life so he took the deal the police gave him at the time. He didn't have any real guidance, so now he has to register for that which happened 15-16 years ago. I came here for support and to know what other's lives who may be going thru the same thing is like. I came to give support as well. He already has two kids and I often think what my future children will have to go thru. But one thing I know is that with God all things are possible. People may not be so forgiving, but God is and I know this will not hold us back. I hope thru it all, the wives stay encouraged and know God will see you thru just keep the faith.
ReplyDeleteU can petition for removal since its been long. By bf have his court date next month the 27th. His thing been going on for 12 years bow
ReplyDeleteI am about to marry a man that has a similar background and could really use some insight on the situation from a family and career stand point. Someone please help me with this.
ReplyDeleteI am about to marry a man that has a similar background and could really use some insight on the situation from a family and career stand point. Someone please help me with this.
ReplyDeleteI have been married to my husband (a sex offender) for over 15 years, we have been thru alot together, including the loss of our home, when our state changed the residency restrictions and he couldn't live in our house anymore, due to where it was located (20 ft too close to a library). My children have been persecuted for who their Dad is and what he did 27 years ago. If I could say one thing to you it would be think long and hard about the decision you are about to make, marriage is not easy for regular people, but it is 3 or 4 times harder for a spouse of a sex offender. I am sure you love this man very much, if you are preparing to marry him, but it's a tough road ahead. The govt can tell you where to live, your kids will be persecuted and you will be as well, simply by association. I don't mean to sound bitter, but life has been VERY hard. My husband, didn't hurt a child, he didn't rape anyone, the woman was older than him and he simply touched her inappropriately (Yes I have read the police reports myself) and we are still paying for this mistake, all of us. Just my experience, hope it helps!
DeleteI have been married to my husband (a sex offender) for over 15 years, we have been thru alot together, including the loss of our home, when our state changed the residency restrictions and he couldn't live in our house anymore, due to where it was located (20 ft too close to a library). My children have been persecuted for who their Dad is and what he did 27 years ago. If I could say one thing to you it would be think long and hard about the decision you are about to make, marriage is not easy for regular people, but it is 3 or 4 times harder for a spouse of a sex offender. I am sure you love this man very much, if you are preparing to marry him, but it's a tough road ahead. The govt can tell you where to live, your kids will be persecuted and you will be as well, simply by association. I don't mean to sound bitter, but life has been VERY hard. My husband, didn't hurt a child, he didn't rape anyone, the woman was older than him and he simply touched her inappropriately (Yes I have read the police reports myself) and we are still paying for this mistake, all of us. Just my experience, hope it helps!
DeleteWell one thing I can say is find out all the rules regarding his situation you can. Learn his level. Learn what his level will mean in the area you live in. If he is level 3 and needs to be publicized when you move, move carefully choose where you move to. Larger areas are easier to live in for a Sex Offender because more people are just to busy to pay attention to just one person or family. Small towns can be the death of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThis is all very good advice, stay in big cities, we moved to a small town and it has been horrible, but my parents are almost 80 and but I'm an only child and it had to be done.
DeleteIf he is on probation get to know his probation officer. If you fear issues with CPS or the like, find a local Sex Offender Treatment Center, they often have classes to be Sex Offender Supervisors. If you are able to attend these classes it can give you some help in keeping busy bodies away. Because you have been trained to keep others safe. After this has been done try going to court and have a judge OFFICIALLY appoint you as the SO's supervisor.. more amo against the crappy people out there.
ReplyDeleteBe interactive with the local authorities. Many sex offenders need to have their pictures taken every 6 months or ever year... keep up on that, show up at the right times and be polite.
If you have children keep the school systems involved in their lives. My girls needed school help as soon as they came home from the hospital, so I've had the school system involved in my home from day one. This keeps all officials informed on how your house works. Don't be afraid of them. If your doing nothing wrong then they can't hurt you and if they are there often enough they will see that there is nothing wrong.
Make a plan for "safety" for your household. For example we have house rules, that we follow and insist upon having even our guests follow as well. The rules are there to make sure no one can say any thing is going on at all.
Here are our rules. (this was partly for when he was on Probation some rules have been lifted since then)
1. SO does not touch any children in genitals or breast areas (excepting for normal parenting situations ie diaper changing etc) Still in effect... only mommy and doctors check owies on potties ie heat rash or the like
2. SO is never alone with any children (used only on probation; no longer in effect for biological children but he still keeps that rule for any none biological children, he just makes sure there is another person in the room with him)
3. Bathroom doors are closed and if possible locked to keep privacy standards.
4. People get dressed in the morning, no one hangs out in their pajamas. This keeps things proper with no ambiguities as to what is clothed and unclothed.
5. Children do not sleep in bed with parents
I know it doesn't sound like a lot but having that "safety plan" in place looks very well with the authorities and can help with making sure there are fewer accusations and hassles.
Sometimes it is good to let the school know about the situation so that there can be some interference run on behalf of your children sometimes its just easier for you to have all the interactions with the school and just not bring up your future husband.
Explain your husbands situation to your children in ways they can understand that is age appropriate. Like my daughter is 7 and when someone brought up that he was in Jail, I explained to her that Jail is like a BIG time out for adults who make BIG mistakes or poor decisions. Just like a time out where she thinks about what she did wrong that's what Jail is supposed to do for adults. Keep all "sexual safety" talks as frank as possible and repeat as often as possible as well. Also remind children that NOT EVERYONE NEEDS to know about their fathers past.
Be courteous and tell children's friends parents about the situation IF the children want to do sleep overs. Let the parents know what safety plans you've initiated. This way they can't come after you with accusations.
Job wise, is more difficult... Honestly we are still working on that ourselves so I have few suggestions. Find work with small family companies who are willing to listen to the story and take the chances that hiring a sex offend proves for the employer... OR simply try to work at places that don't do back ground checks. My husband is working with some friends, and also so concessionaires for traveling fairs because that's what he can find... Well I'm supper tired, so I hope this helps, let me know if you have any other questions or if this helped you at all.
I found this to be the most helpful response of almost anything I've found on the internet. I am having trouble finding somewhere to go through these programs to become a sex offender supervisor. I live in Arkansas and very much need to do something like this because the threat of CPS is very real to me. Any ideas?
DeleteI found this to be the most helpful response of almost anything I've found on the internet. I am having trouble finding somewhere to go through these programs to become a sex offender supervisor. I live in Arkansas and very much need to do something like this because the threat of CPS is very real to me. Any ideas?
DeleteI just feel so lost. I'm so sad. Halloween is just Saturday. It will be a year Nov. 14th since we took the plea,deal. 5 years probation, 10 years registration. We live apart because I have a little 10 year old boy. I feel so alone. I don't feel normal. Our life was normal before this. I can't stop crying today. This start in June 2012. It never goes away. I feel very weak today.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you, I know what you are going through. There is no more normal. God give you strength
DeleteThank you. And the Lord give you strength as well.
DeleteI just feel so lost. I'm so sad. Halloween is just Saturday. It will be a year Nov. 14th since we took the plea,deal. 5 years probation, 10 years registration. We live apart because I have a little 10 year old boy. I feel so alone. I don't feel normal. Our life was normal before this. I can't stop crying today. This start in June 2012. It never goes away. I feel very weak today.
ReplyDeleteI just feel so lost. I'm so sad. Halloween is just Saturday. It will be a year Nov. 14th since we took the plea,deal. 5 years probation, 10 years registration. We live apart because I have a little 10 year old boy. I feel so alone. I don't feel normal. Our life was normal before this. I can't stop crying today. This start in June 2012. It never goes away. I feel very weak today.
ReplyDeleteI would like to know regarding myself and my career/profession as a director of a large community based childcare program; how will having a RSO affect this if registered at my residence? I work within the community that I live in. Will I lose my own job? How do I find answers out? Additionally, the organization I work with has a Sexual Assault Crisis center and their advocates work closely with the police department and also office. I have a huge dilemma!
ReplyDeletei really need people going through the same thing to talk to
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should make a closed group on Facebook that we can all be part of and talk to each other threw on a more daily occurrence. Would you like me to?
DeleteI would love that!
DeleteMe too. It is so isolating!
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should make a closed group on Facebook that we can all be part of and talk to each other threw on a more daily occurrence. Would you like me to?
DeleteDid you ever get this going
DeleteDid you ever get this going
DeleteI just got engaged to my now fiancé just a couple days ago, be is a RSO, he had sex with his girlfriend at the time who was under age they thought they were in love but she was cheating on him so to get back he did it to her he chose a different girl and the one he was with got mad and got back at him by taking him to court and her mom had her lie and he got charged. I have two family members who are probation officers, and as soon as they found out about the title he has they got mad, now that I am engaged to him they have told some of my other family members and I've been told how they want nothing to do with me any more. It's so hard to be happy and plan a wedding that my family won't even come to or be happy about. I am so happy that I'm not alone. But I need some one to talk to that can help in any way. I don't even know how to plan a wedding and I just feel so alone.
ReplyDeleteI just got engaged to my now fiancé just a couple days ago, be is a RSO, he had sex with his girlfriend at the time who was under age they thought they were in love but she was cheating on him so to get back he did it to her he chose a different girl and the one he was with got mad and got back at him by taking him to court and her mom had her lie and he got charged. I have two family members who are probation officers, and as soon as they found out about the title he has they got mad, now that I am engaged to him they have told some of my other family members and I've been told how they want nothing to do with me any more. It's so hard to be happy and plan a wedding that my family won't even come to or be happy about. I am so happy that I'm not alone. But I need some one to talk to that can help in any way. I don't even know how to plan a wedding and I just feel so alone.
ReplyDeleteAs far as today my boyfriend is out the registry!!!!!!!! Weve waited for this for so long.
ReplyDeleteCONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
DeleteI am about to go through the same thing with my boyfriend and really need insight into career and living restrictions and recreation.
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ReplyDeleteDo you know if is different if my husband is a level 1?
ReplyDeletePls i need help!
ReplyDeleteA level 1 is TOTALLY different than a level 3. Its opposite what we expect. A level 1 is the lowest level, and 3 is the highest. A level 1 in most cases, only has to tell the police when they move into an area. There wont be any public announcement, and they wont even tell the schools or daycare's (still a stupid rule I think b/c not all SO's are pedophiles).
DeleteA level 1 often has no restrictions for being with kids, and often has no restrictions for where they live. Schools rarely ban them from the property, and life is easier as long as the SO doesn't get in any trouble with registering, or following probation or what ever treatment that may be required. It can get dicey if there is an emergency moving situation and registration, but all in all its not as bad. Msg. me any questions and I'll try to answer as much as I can. I hope this helps some.