So I told everyone that I had a panic attack at the college when I was taking the placement tests. Well its been 2 days now and my chest STILL feels tight.. Not as tight but still feel like I always need to take a deep breath. I'm starting to get worried. Think I should go to the dr soon. I had H1N1 already so it shouldn't be that, but I don't know if H1N1/Phenuemonia can leave you at a higher risk for getting bronchitics or phenumemonia again.
Sigh.. well that all for today.. tomorrow is Sunday and parts of me really wish we could go to church and parts of me are just happy to sleep in and be with my family... why cant we go to church? well most churches don't want my husband there. His presence makes the congregation uncomfortable. So much for Christian love and acceptance..just chalk it up to one more thing thats frustrating in life when your married to a sex offender.
Me
just Me
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
School...
So yesterday I had placement testing for me to go back to college. I was kind nervous before I left, but then as soon as I sat down at that computer..My chest tightened up and suddenly it felt like I could not take a deep breath. I tried to calm myself down to no avail.. And of coarse I did not have my inhaler or my anxiety meds with me. sigh.. I'm surprised I made it home.... had to call my hubby and have him talk me calmer, and even called my therapist it was horrible.. Even when I got home to a yummy dinner made by my loving husband.. I still could not calm down. It took until about midnight for me to finally feel normal again... I don't know whats wrong with me. I get so nervous about stuff since Moon died. Its like losing her rocked my world so badly that the foundation is crumbling. I still have my faith and thats keep me going for most of everything but now I just cant process any other stressers.. I'd almost be happier not going anywhere at all. And I hate that..Not that we have a lot of friends anyways not many people want to be friends with a sex offender. Doesn't even matter if they have known you for years, they go on line and read his profile and get all mad and wont listen to the full story or accept that he has changed. They all say well if he changed why didn't he get his level lowered.. and the answer to that is because he didn't know how to do it and never had the money to go back to court for that to happen. Its not easy to get a level lowered, you cant even have a speeding ticket in 2 or 3 yrs before asking to be re-evaluated. oh well thats all for me today. sorry so short.. til then
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Things you might not think about.
So America rejoices, its was a great day for our troops they may be able to come home now. Maybe my family members who are in the military will be a little bit safer for a while. But as I prepared to text and call everyone to tell them of this wonderful news, my husband got upset with me. He figures that its gonna be all over the news anyway so why call everyone. Why buy into that drama? Why celebrate a person's death no matter how evil you think they were.
His anger surprised me, I was not expecting this reaction. Yes I do have the tendency to gossip, and talk about stuff, usually stuff that is no ones business, and yes he calls me on that when I do do it, but this? This should be an exciting thing, until he reminded me that many people would rejoice in the same way if a sex offender was killed. And seeing how he is a Level 3 sex offender, many people would probably make the assumption that he should be likewise killed, and would likewise rejoice over his death with out ever knowing him. Without ever seeing that he has changed and how much his family would miss him if he were to die.
Now don't get me wrong. Politically I lean to the right and I want punishments to fit the crimes and all that good stuff. I am glad they were able to find him and kill him. I would not have cared if they had captured him instead, would not have mattered to me. He and his followers have committed horrible inhumane acts of violence not only in the bombing of the two towers but in their own countries. But my husbands reaction is a reminder that no one knows the full stories to any situation and most have more than one explanation. We as people should not rejoice in the evil of others, nor in the destruction of that evil, for like in the Greek myths the serpent that when on head was cut off, two more grew in its place. There may well never be peace, no compromise avaiable. But why should we spend so much energy on hating, when we could spend the same energy on loving, and helping, and healing?
For some reason, the death of a monster like OBL has sparked a deeper thought in me, and perhaps a chance for my own growth. All thanks to my husband, remembering his therapy and his own journey to enlighteninment and helping me on my own.
Until Later, I have much to think about.
Meara--
His anger surprised me, I was not expecting this reaction. Yes I do have the tendency to gossip, and talk about stuff, usually stuff that is no ones business, and yes he calls me on that when I do do it, but this? This should be an exciting thing, until he reminded me that many people would rejoice in the same way if a sex offender was killed. And seeing how he is a Level 3 sex offender, many people would probably make the assumption that he should be likewise killed, and would likewise rejoice over his death with out ever knowing him. Without ever seeing that he has changed and how much his family would miss him if he were to die.
Now don't get me wrong. Politically I lean to the right and I want punishments to fit the crimes and all that good stuff. I am glad they were able to find him and kill him. I would not have cared if they had captured him instead, would not have mattered to me. He and his followers have committed horrible inhumane acts of violence not only in the bombing of the two towers but in their own countries. But my husbands reaction is a reminder that no one knows the full stories to any situation and most have more than one explanation. We as people should not rejoice in the evil of others, nor in the destruction of that evil, for like in the Greek myths the serpent that when on head was cut off, two more grew in its place. There may well never be peace, no compromise avaiable. But why should we spend so much energy on hating, when we could spend the same energy on loving, and helping, and healing?
For some reason, the death of a monster like OBL has sparked a deeper thought in me, and perhaps a chance for my own growth. All thanks to my husband, remembering his therapy and his own journey to enlighteninment and helping me on my own.
Until Later, I have much to think about.
Meara--
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