I feel like typing.  I don't know what I feel like typing but I feel like typing.  I've been feeling so much up and down recently that I barely know how to handle it.  None of this has to do with my husband or his past.  I just feel BLARGH!  I just feel overwhelmed by so much.  Had county meetings today about how much or little I can work.. which is not much.. My daughter got denied AGAIN for SSI and her old lawyer dropped her because they did not want to take it to the federal level.  That means no back pay from her birth, oh well, just want her on SSI so that we can make sure she gets the services she needs.  her old lawyer was so rude to me, I actually faced my darkest feelings as of yet.  I actually felt like letting myself fall down the back stairs.   I didn't, I walked outside instead and just let it rain on me.  I sat there crying until my husband came and made me come inside.  I just felt so hopeless and defeated.  Finances are weighing on my head, we want to start our farm, and we want to work for ourselves; we want to be self sufficient and off of all social financial aid, but finding the funding is proving to be harder and harder, or at least harder than I thought it was gonna be.  Maybe I'd been fooling myself thinking it would be easy to find grants and what not but its not.  Of coarse the parts of my husbands past doesn't help this part of life.  We don't have good credit, and many grants don't want to help people who have any criminal past.  I guess this is partly why we want to help others who have a hard time finding work because of their pasts as well. 

Urgh.... I just feel so off... so.... flat.....  Maybe tomorrow will be better.